Bleed Like Me
by AlwaysMakingTrouble
Summary: Raven develops a habit as well as the other Titans when they take a break from fighting crime. How will they react when reality comes crashing in? BBXRAE RobxStar and some short lived CyxBee
1. Prolouge

**Ok... let's get this over with in the beginning...**

**I don't own Teen Titans or Garbage's Bleed Like Me (for those of you who don't know... It's a song.)**

**So... READ AND REVIEW! :)**

Prologue

Secrets

~We all know we have secrets that can be good and bad... That can be harmful or helpful... I knew I had secrets underneath my cloak, but the others having secrets of such magnitude took me by surprise.

~My fellow Titans and I had taken the fall off that year... This was the first time we hadn't ever been apart since the beginning of the foundation of the Titans, and we all went our separate ways for the time being.

~Robin went to Malibu while Starfire went to her home planet to visit her family and loved ones. Rob and Star had had an argument about being seperated for very long since they were engaged, and Star was secretly attempting to get pregnant with his child. For an odd reason, he was uncomfortable with that idea.

~Cyborg went to live with Titans East for the time being; of course, we all knew the reason he went all the way to the Atlantic was to visit Bumblebee. Most likely, Bee and Cy were getting engaged as well.

~Now, Beast Boy... He went to Africa to visit the village he grew up with. For some unfathomable reason, he was reluctant to leave me alone with the Tower. He knew I was fully capable of protecting the place by myself and having time for my tea, but he continued to worry over me daily. It was slightly annoying, but I didn't make a big deal out of my vexation as I was on reasonably good terms with him. All he did was be nice to me and help out with things I had to do as well as his own work, which made no sense at all, but I certainly didn't mind having help with all the mundane things Rob made us do.

~Now, however, I was alone in Titan's Tower without a care in the world other than keeping my emotions under control. I could meditate freely and do whatever I wanted, but... there was one thing I always wondered if it worked. It was supposedly a method of keeping one's emotions under control and releasing them without harming anyone else... Little did I know that everyone on the team was trying a method of stress relief in one form or another.


	2. Avalanche and Chris

**Now on with the actual story :) R&R :) PLEASE! OH! if you read the lyrics it makes more sense lol**

Avalanche and Chris

Chapter 1

* * *

_"Avalanche is sullen and too thin_  
_She starves herself to rid herself of sin_  
_And the kick is so divine when she sees bones beneath her skin_  
_And she says:_  
_Hey baby can you bleed like me?_  
_C'mon baby can you bleed like me?_

_Chris is all dressed up and acting coy_  
_Painted like a brand new Christmas toy_  
_He's trying to figure out if he's a girl or he's a boy_  
_He says:_  
_Hey baby can you bleed like me?_  
_C'mon baby can you bleed like me?"_

* * *

~We were granted sixty days of leave, but trouble for me never quit. I should have assumed that if I was the one seeing that the Tower didn't fall into disrepair, I was also the one seeing to all the possible crime in the area. The luxurious life I anticipated on having was far from reality. On top of everything, I had become addicted to my little 'method of stress relief.'

~On about the twentieth day of leave, I received a distress call from Starfire on my communicator.

~"Oh, Raven... I need to return to the Tower immediately..." Her voice was unusually weary and flat. There was no joy in her voice, no hint of gratitude to be home, not even the slightest hint of a celebration in order was indicated in her voice.

~"Of course, Star..." Panic, Fear's sister, ran rampant through my mind. What if she found out? "But why do you want to come home so early? I thought you were staying on Tamaran for at least another week..." My voice trailed off and my throat dried out.

~"That was the plan, but plans have changed..." She hid her face from the camera on her communicator. "I am sorry to disturb you. I shall leave."

~"No, Star, it's-" _click! _"It's ok..." I stared at the blank screen for a long time before closing it and walking to make myself some herbal tea.

~I knew something was deffinitely awry but attempted to think nothing of it; after all, Starfire may be having some troubles with her sister if she ever got out of prison again. I drifted over to the table and sat down leaving my tea on the stove. I didn't know what was going on, but whatever it was couldn't be good. I held my head in my hands and sat there mulling over all possible scenarios of why Star, the happiest person I knew, would be all depressed. Usually, I was the one that was depressed, but lately, I had felt better than I had in a long time all thanks to my addiction.

~I was turning eighteen the day everyone came back, it had been four years since my friends and I destroyed Trigon, and three years since Terra's remains had been found at the bottom of a ravine. That day had to have been one of the happiest days of my life. Plus, we'd only had minor criminals disturb peace in Jump City; there had not been a word or even a faux sighting of Slade in nearly a year. Everyone seemed happy enough, or so I thought...

~My thoughts had trailed off to Robin who had demanded that he get a report on any criminal activity (if there was one) daily, so I popped out my communicator and called up Richard.

~He didn't pick up, but the communicator, luckily, was open so I could see through the video camera. What I saw broke my heart and caused my throat to tighten up and tears to blur my vision. It was so disturbing and awfuly pitiful that it moved even me. Robin sat at the foot of his bed in what looked like a nice hotel but his hair was straightened, and he wore sunglasses for what looked like a girl and very feminine clothing. He held his head in his hands and seemed to be crying. Who knew for the damn sunglasses?

~My heart ached as I couldn't tear my eyes away from the sight before me. Suddenly, he whispered something just loud enough for the communicator to pick up. "I don't know what I am anymore..."

~I gasped and a tear rolled down the side of my face and ran down my jawline. I snapped the device shut and began to sob into the table.

* * *

~Not long after I began to cry, the kettle containing my tea began to scream in vexation and finally forced me to rise and put a stop to the incessant noise. I dragged myself from the table and began to feel the need to go back to my obsession, but Common Sense (AKA Wisdom) told me to refrain. After all, I knew Starfire would be home soon since she almost always flew at the speed of light; the last thing I needed was for the Tamaran to walk in on something she never needed to know about.

~My thought process led me to realize that I stood in the middle of the Tower's Common Room, halfway between the kitchen and the living room simply standing there thinking. My drive to fix my jonesing was nearly irresistable and became so appealing as my skin and joints started aching and complaining from withdrawl. My mind numbed as the pain scraped my mind like glass daggers and etched misery on the back of my skull. Desire egged me to fix my craving, but Wisdom chastized me and told me how wrong it would be while Logic simply stated that a distraction would be fitting.

~At this point, I had gotten my tea and sat warily on the bench. It was just so tempting to shatter the glass cup in my hands and cure my affliction for the time being, but I painstakingly withdrew my communicator and dialed Robin to see if he was doing any better. The device lay on the table and seemed to taunt me as time drew by holding on for dear life before vanishing into history. After what seemed like hours but was actually seventeen seconds, Robin answered shyly.

~"Hello?" His voice sounded coy.

~"Yo, Rob, it's Raven," My tone and word usage was extremely out of character.

~"Oh... Hi..." He seemed uncertain how to proceed in conversation. "Is there any trouble going on?"

~Panic bounded across my mind. How could he know? Or did he know?

~"Not worth a significant report... Star's coming home today and should be here soon."

~There was a long, uncomfortable pause. "Raven, I need your help."

~"Star needs it, too. Something's wrong with her, but I'll come as soon as I figure it out..." Who knew I was a woman of so many words of encouragement?

~"Please, Raven... Help her and please come get me... I know you called, and I know what you saw and possibly heard... I don't know what I am..."

~"Rob... You're a boy." My voice was strong and demanding. "No... You're a man with a fiancee named Kori. You need to be her man..."

~"It's so easy for you to say... You don't have issues like this. You don't have confusion like this. You don't even have an addiction."

~All of my inhibitions were lost at this point. "You don't know anything, traffic light. Stay out of my business, and I might be kind enough to come get you."

~He seemed to be taken aback by this and simply sighed, "I'll be waiting, Rachel."

~"Raven, out." I snapped the device shut. How dare he even think I don't know about pain?

~My bones complained as I rose again to pour me another cup of tea and was scared half to death by a burst through the door of a sickly skinny girl with fading auburn hair and the height of about 6' 3".

~Horror ran through me and chilled me to the marrow of my bones. This skeleton figure was Starfire. Her bones strained against her skin and threatened to break through. Her vibrant green eyes once filled with joy now graying and dull. The lushious auburn hair flowing down her back only twenty days ago now hung limp and lifeless.

~"Oh, Raven..." She stumbled in. "I... I am quite sorry... I thought perhaps you would be meditating while I could do the 'freshening up.'" She sighed. "It seems as if you do not approve of my appearance..." She sank to the floor in despair.

~"Star... What happened?" My voice was filled to the brim with concern.

~"My dear sister told me I was acting on evil by marrying an earthling... I quit eating to rid myself of this guilt... It was very difficult at first because such celebration was in order for me frturning home after all this time, but it gradually got easier as time went on..." She looked up at me with the innocence of a child. "I think it looks good..."

~My empathic powers showed me that she was completely sincere, and I tried to appeal to her desires. "But aren't you attempting to get Richard to get you pregnant?" My forehead creased with worry.

~"Yes, but..." Her eyes began to tear up. "He does not wish for me to be with child."

~With that, she began to sob, which made me uncomfortable to say in the least. I had never been good with people crying, but I walked over ignoring my protesting muscles and joints and wrapped my arms around Star.

~"He's just a little confused right now, that's all..." He mind flickered back to the disturbing images of Robin sitting on the edge of his bed. "Speaking of which... He asked me to go get him from Malibu as soon as I knew you were alright..."

~She brightened a little. "Then go, my friend!"

~"If I go, you better indulge in some mustard and junk food."

~She nodded violently.

~After she gave me consent to leave, I darted to my room in search of comfort.


	3. Doodle Cuts

**I hope I'm not too boring :) Anyways, please please please review! I need feedback so I know how to make the best story for you all :)**

Doodle Cuts

Chapter 2

* * *

_"Doodle takes dad's scissors to her skin_  
_And when she does relief comes setting in_  
_While she hides the scars she's making underneath her pretty clothes_  
_She sings:_  
_Hey baby can you bleed like me?_  
_C'mon baby can you bleed like me?"_

* * *

~I fled to my room at this point. Seeing Starfire so vulnerable, so... inhumanly ill brought me to the brink of sanity and wanted to push me over. Nausea flooded my stomach and weakened my limbs to the extent where I had to teleport myself to my own room out of exhaustion. I fell short of my intended destination, which happened to be my bathroom, and landed on my circular bed with a muffled _thump_. The pain was now excrutiating and immobilizing. My muscles threatened to lock down and began twitching involuntarily... All because I went too long without my fix.

~All I could do now was wait sprawled out and in torment until my muscles released their vice. My mind was flooded with continuous waves of pain to the point where I couldn't even use my powers to locate the nearest sharp object. I lay in agony for at least thirty minutes before the slightest inkling of a notion came to my muscles to release their hold. Slowly, ever so slowly, they relaxed; however, I tightened them back up yet again when I darted to the bathroom in frantic search of that special, sharp, silver blade.

~As if the clouds parted and God willed my pain to stop, I found what I was looking for. The sight of it left me trembling in joy that I had found it before I was paralyzed again, and I ripped the sleeve of my leotard in an effort to speed up the process.

~I released a long held breath and closed my eyes knowing it would only hurt a fraction of a second then relief... sweet, sweet relief would flow like blood. I held the exposed, greedy blade against my skin a moment letting the cold, mailicious feeling drive my Common Sense nearly insane with worry. It felt wrong and evil, but at the same time, it brought me so much comfort that I knew I would never be betrayed by this piece of unforgiving piece of steel.

~With that, I put slight force on the top of the blade, making the pressure on my skin harder. I took a breath because I knew the next millisecond would bring a bout of pain. I drew the sharp object across my grey skin and felt a small rip in the fiber of my protective outter layer of my body and attempted not to gasp and drive the blade deeper. The odd thing is I knew what to feel for... At first, it would hurt to where I didn't want to do it anymore, but the fibers severing from themselves and self mutilation brought sick, masochistic comfort to me.

~I watched facinated as the first cut began to swell a little, then faint pink dots in the swollen tissue turned red and bled. It never ceased to amaze me that the smallest bit of pain could bring so much ease to one's mind. I cut again, but in a different place. The same ritual of slice and awe continued over and over until all my guilt was released.

~It just felt like I should never stop, like the pain would bring me control and happiness... Sadly, I was mistaken but wouldn't know that until much later.

~Ten cuts later, I stopped and felt my heart's burdens fade away without leaving any residue behind. The only thing that worried me the slightest bit was the tile was now stained with ruby blood that streamed from the cuts on my arm. I hastily stopped the blood and cleaned up with my dark energy. No one could fine out about this, or I'd be sent to the loony bin in no time.

~I wandered back in my room in the afterglow of my success and began packing only necessities. I had street clothes, street shoes, soap and that sort of thing, and finally, what had become a necessity, my beloved razor blade.

~I donned jeans, Converse, a basic black tee, and fingerless gloves just long enough to cover any scars from the non-probing eye. With my luggage in hand, I ambled out of my room and ran into the bony skeleton of Star who now wore a pink sweatshirt and sweatpants.

~"I've got to go get Robin, and I need you to eat while I'm gone," I pleaded.

~"I wish to join you, friend Raven... I do not wish to be alone..." Her voice was meek and quiet. "I will go and unpack my things if you do not approve..."

~I didn't want her to find out about my developed habit, but I needed her to consume some form of food and knew she wouldn't unless she was with someone who made her. I scanned her solemn face and responded, "You may go with me... I may not speak much, but you can go if you want."

~"Oh friend! This is wonderful! I shall bring 'the polish for the nails!'" She smiled and a glow returned to her eye.

~"If it makes you happy... Just no pink or orange or yellow or any neon colors."

~Her face fell slightly but she remained happy. "Oh, Raven, thank you! My we also have 'the girl talk?'"

~I stood there and brushed a strand of my violet hair out of my face. "...Sure..."

~"Oh, yay!" Star giggled and ginned even wider.

~"But we do have to get your boyfriend, let's not forget..." I warned. Every day I felt more like a mother to my teammates.

~"Oh, we shall not. I do love him too much for that."

~"Then let's go..." I replied in my classic monotone. Inside, I was as happy as she; I felt relief and a sense of pride.


	4. Speedie's Therapy

**Um... Reviews? ... lol ... Anyways, I thank you all for reading so get your typing on and put in some reviews! lol Thanks again! Now on with the story! Again!**

Speedie's Therapy

Chapter 3

* * *

_"Therapy is Speedie's brand new drug_  
_Dancing with the devil's past has never been too fun_  
_It's better off than trying to take a bullet from a gun_  
_And she cries:_  
_Hey baby can you bleed like me?_  
_C'mon baby can you bleed like me?"_

* * *

~I loaded up the T-car against all that was right and justified in the world. This action, we all knew, was liable the punishment that Victor Stone saw fit. Driving the car would be punishable by death and crashing it... well... no one wanted to know the penalty for that.

~Cranking up the aerodynamic car, Star clambered into the passenger's side and looked at me with wide eyes. "I thought you didn't have a licence..."

~"I don't," I shrugged simply.

~Her eyes got an impish green glow to them, restoring their natural color as she held a bottle of mustard in her hand. "You are going to drive without a licence?"

~"Why not?" I revved up the engine and pealed out of the garage. Star squealed in shock then laughed in delight as I drove recklessly around the city and over the roads. The whole nation knew who this car belonged to and knew that if it came speeding down the road, there was an emergency.

~I was well over double the speed limit and never thought a thing of it. Star, on the other hand, clenched the seat with both bony hands and occasionally squeaked in fear that I would run off the road.

~For what felt like an hour I heard, "Raven! Watch out for the edge of the road!", "Don't hit that sign!", "Oh, don't run over that branch!", and my personal favorite, "Don't hit that squirrell!"

~The endearing factor wore off quickly, and I slammed on breaks. My patience had worn thin with the Tamaran. "Ok, Star. Here's the deal. I can't drive around with you doing all that squealing," My voice was calm at the moment but was quickly becoming angry.

~Cranking up the air conditioning, I recollected all my thoughts and exhaled a long breath.

~"Perhaps we could enjoy some music to fill the silence?" Star's voice was kind and caring.

~I really hated music most of the time but I decided what the hell? Why not?

~"Sure..." I forced my voice to be kind in return but wasn't sure if it had come out that way.

~Star turned on the radio and cranked up the volume to some upbeat pop song that made me want to scream in frustration. She seemed to sense my fuming and changed the station to something a little more my taste. To my surprise she asked, "What kind of music is this?"

~The heavy bass and wailing guitar along with fast drums told me all I needed to know. "Heavy metal," I replied never bothering to look at her.

~"To my shock, this is nice..." She seemed sincere enough.

~"Metal head rock?" I paused. "Nice..."

~We rode for another hour before I looked from the boring straight road to Starfire who was now fast asleep. I felt empathetic to the girl and turned down the blaring music. She drank all of the mustard in that one bottle and I knew she had brought a stash with her. I was going to wake her up, but I figured she needed rest... It's not every day that you travel the speed of light then deal with a half demon.

~No longer than ten minutes later, I drove through Santa Barbara and got on CA-1 S/N to avoid all unnecessary traffic but it ended up being just as troublesome as the scenic route. In rush hour traffic, I rested my head on the steering wheel and let my left hand remain placed on the wheel. I closed my eyes and a pain shot through my wrist. My eyes snapped open, and I sat bolt upright glaring at my wrist. Hot, dark liquid came trickling out from under my glove causing me to panic. _Ohshit. Ohshit, ohshit, ohshit. Nooooo! Not now!_

~I snatched open the glove box and frantically got some wound wraps Cy had just in case. I tore the plastic with my teeth and slapped the bandage on. As if to irritate me further, my communicator went off.

~Still holding the plastic between my teeth, I answered, "Erro?"

~"Rae... I need you to come to Titans East... Now," It was Cy.

~I spat out the plastic bag and glared into the device. "Well, I'll come when I drop Kori and Dick back off at our Tower."

~"What?" He asked flatly.

~"They're having some issues, so they had to come back."

~"Just hurry... They've taken Karen..."

~"Where?"

~"They've taken her to the asylum for therapy... The other team members say that she attempted to shoot herself, but I don't know what to believe..." His voice was filled with concern and doubt. "Raven, I was going to ask her to marry me..."

~At this point, I was near tears while talking to him. "I'll be there asap, Cy..."

~"Thank you, Rae..." A tear escaped his human eye and his robotic one became less vibrant. "Cyborg, out."

~I just sat there in traffic inching forward ever minute or two until I had had enough. In a bout of anger, I enveloped the car with my energy and teleported everything to the outside of a hotel that said "Marriot Resort: Malibu."

~I turned to Star and shook her awake gently.

~"Have we arrived at our destination?" Her voice was weak and scratchy.

~"For now we have... After I drop you and Rob off, I have to deal with some things with Karen..."

~Star's forehead creased with worry. "Is something wrong?"

~"Don't worry about it, Starfire..."

~I didn't tell her anything because I thought it might lead to her starving herself of even mustard, and for me to get her to indulge in mustard was a great accomplishment.

~She began unbuckling to get Robin with me, but I told her to stay put just in case. I feared he would be in his disturbing attire of womens' clothing and didn't wantStar to happen across him in his distressed state...

~I left the car and slammed the door becoming irritated with the recent turn of events, but I would help every one of my friends, even if I had to go to Africa...

* * *

~Upon entering the Resort, I stumbled across many odd people, but who was I to call someone else odd? They wore bright, skimpy clothing and nearly all of them wore sunglasses. Nothing too odd for a beach resort but everything looked off somehow... Perhaps it was only my mind tricking me... I was pulled from my reverie by an overly chipper secretary at the front desk. She looked to be only a slight bit older than I.

~"How may I help you, ma'am?" Her voice grated on my worn nerves.

~I tried to appear pleasent as I responded, "I was hoping to find, Dick Grayson... You wouldn't happen to have him here would you?"

~"Oh..." The girl's face fell. "He asked not to have his room number given out except to one or two people, and he gave specifics of who they were..."

~"I'm one of those people," I flashed her a bright smile and stunned her because she appeared to understand my lack of emotion.

~"Um... Um... Please state your name, ma'am."

~"Rachel Raven Roth.. The other name would be Kori Anders."

~"Of course, Ms. Roth." She looked down and typed a name into the computer. "Ah... He's in room six seventy..."

~"Thank you, Helen."

~I graced the blond girl with one more smile before snaking my way down the corridors of the fancy hotel and into the elevator. I stood in the steel trap for a second while the doors slid closed and punched the button with "6" on it. The elevator gave a jump and began its slow ride up to the sixth floor. Being away from Star for so long began to make me paranoid and feel guilty. The steel box slowed to a halt and dinged before the doors opened and revealed a lanky yet muscular young man standing in front of the doors. His hair was slicked down and straight as a stick, and I tried to find his eyes but they were covered by dark sunglasses.

~"Dick?" I couldn't stop myself as I scanned the boy up and down silently praising his clothing.

~He wore a solemn expression with his black hair swooping down to his eyebrows. He stood in a black tee and skinny jeans with Converse strapped on his feet.

~"Raven... You don't know how glad I am to see you. I was just going down to the check in to see if you had come and... Where's Kori?" He was instantly serious.

~"She's in the T-car sleeping... I told her to wait because I had to figure out what was wrong with you," I explained cautiously still probing for what might be wrong.

~"Let's go back to my room then."

~I nodded and wandered back to room six seventy with Rob leading the way. He scanned his card and held the door open for me, and I nodded in acknowledgement for the gesture. I entered the Spartan room, brightly lit by wide windows that let the light of the sun reflect off the beaches.

~"Nice place..." I commented halfway to myself as I walked all the way into the room.

~"Ok... It's this simple." Rob began and I listened intently. "I don't know what I am anymore, and I don't know how I got this way. I mean everything was fine for the longest time until I left for this place and my whole life seemed to fall apart... Raven... I think it's because I left Kori..."

~"You guys were just apart for a little while..." I attempted to reassure him.

~"I don't think you get it, Raven. We fought before we left... She wants a kid, and I wasn't so sure, which led to an argument."

~I held the door open to the parking lot but was stopped by Helen the seretary.

~"Mr. Grayson, do you wish to check out?"

~"Yeah... I do."

~"What about you, Ms. Roth?"

~"What about me?" I demanded.

~"You received a call from the asylum near New York."

~I was silent a long painful moment and dragged Rob to the car. This couldn't wait anymore, and I knew I had to go get Karen or they would never let her go.

* * *

~After an awkward meeting of the fiancees, I teleported us to the Tower, which was certainly easier than driving. Apparently, Star had told Robin everything and he to her, and the two seemed content with each other now. However, Star still seemed reluctant to eat even though I begged her to indulge in a little substantial food; I found that Robin had to coax her to even eat some anchovie pizza, a rare oddity for Star.

~I had to make sure everything was in order and that the couple would take care of each other no matter the circumstance, and they vehemently promised they would. With that, I drew the hood of my jacket around my face and teleported all the way to New York.

~_With all this teleporting, I'm going to be exhausted by the time the day is over._ I looked up to see the sun across the middle of the sky, nearing the skyline of the city, and assumed it was near three o' clock. At this point, my wrist ached and begged for relief, and I had to resist the urge to unveil my blade and relieve myself of suffering. However, I resisted and ventured deeper into the concrete jungle of New York City to the massive asylum which lay within.

~I simply walked into the institutional looking building and approached the Customer Service desk.

~I looked around and not a soul was to be found. "Hello?"

~A bright eyed young woman rounded a sharp corner and darted to her desk. "I'm sorry, ma'am. It's been a crazy day around here."

~"I would assume so..." I mused folding my arms.

~"What may I help you with?" She was still smiling and seemed pleasent enough to be in a place like this.

~"I need to see Karen..." I paused and remembered, "I don't remember her last name..."

~The girl seemed understanding enough and typed the name into the computer. "Ah! We had a Karen come in with a young man named Garth; then a handsome half machine looking man came... You wouldn't happen to know his name, would you?"

~I knew it was Bee right then. "Victor Stone."

~She chuckled. "You must be Raven."

~I nodded and she continued. "Karen is in a therapy session right now, but you can go in and see her if you'd like. We promised to release her when two of her teammates came along to escort her."

~"Thank you, and yes, I would like to see Karen if you don't mind."

~"Of course!" The girl rose from the desk again and wheeled me around the corner. "If you have any other requests or problems, just call around the front desk!"

~I nodded again and looked at a glass door. It was tempting to merely shatter the glass... I shook the thought from my head and entered to see Karen in a circle with Vic at her side.

~She looked up and smiled a flashy, bright smile. The therapist looked up from his clipboard and glared at me. "Ah... You must be Rachel. Go ahead. Take Karen and leave."

~"Nice to meet you, too," I said loud enough to be heard and the whole circle of people began laughing heartily, and I walked over to my friends.

~"Let's get out of here..." I looked around the placid room.

~They hastily got up and ran to me with open arms. "Um... Hugs..."

~They laughed again and released me. "I knew I could count on you to come, Rae!" Bee pecked me on the cheek and Cy clapped me on the back.

~"C'mon, guys... Let's go before-" My communicator went off again and I growled in frustration. "NOT AGAIN!"

~Cy and Bee held eachother in bouts of laughter again and I snapped my communicator open and nearly screamed, "What?"

~A slurred voice answered, "Rae..."

~I could hardly understand the voice.

~"Rae.. Ineedya tocomeand..." I heard the voice cut off in hitches. "Raven! Come get me!" blurted the voice in panic.

~The owner of the slurred voice finnaly registered in my brain- Garfield Mark Logan.


	5. JT

**Here's the next installment of Bleed Like Me! (: Pleeeaaasseee review (:**

JT

Chapter 4

* * *

_"JT gets all fucked up in some karaoke bar_  
_After two drinks he's a loser after three drinks he's a star_  
_Getting all nostalgic he sings "I Will Survive"_  
_Hey baby can you bleed like me?_  
_C'mon baby can you bleed like me?_  
_Hey baby can you bleed like me?_  
_C'mon baby can you bleed like me?"_

* * *

~"Gar! Are you Ok? Where are you? What's wrong?" I began to panic as silence followed.

~"I think I'magoodenough, aaand Idunno... some shit karaoke bar, aaand wasted as hell," His words were somewhat comprehensible now. "I just needja to c'mon and pick me up from this place..."

~Cy and Bee were watching my expression with worried faces.

~"Gar... I need a little help with knowing where you are... show your communicator around so I can get a feel for where I'm teleporting or I'll be in some other demension."

~I didn't mean to lighten the mood, but Gar laughed and flashed the device around so I could get a quick glance. He held the device back up to his ear which was unnecessary, but I guess he just felt like it. "Rae... Are you gonnac'mon andgetme or what?"

~"I'm on my way as soon as I drop off Cy and Bee back at the Tower with Rob and Star..." I paused. "It's been a rough day..."

~"Mmk..." His voice seemed far away and dreamy now. "Will you stay on the phone wimme?"

~I couldn't resist the request. "Of course, Gar..." My tone had become so soft and kind... It was nearly affectionate.

~"Thanks, Rae..." He trailed off into muttering.

~I shrugged and wrapped my dark energy around the three of us standing there and arrived in the Common Room of the Tower in no longer than a couple of seconds.

~Rob and Star were missing from that particular room at the time, and no one wanted to think about what they might be doing.

~"I gotta go pick up Gar from who knows where, and I'll be back whenever..." I explained as I gathered some things and stowed them in a bag now hanging on my back. "Would you guys get some extra clothes for Gar?" I asked still holding the device to my face.

~"Yeah... I got barf all over the ones I'm in..."

~"Nice one, Logan," I replied slightly more than worried about him, and looked up from my shoes but Cy and Bee were gone, hopefully to get some clothes for Gar and me.

~"Heyya, Raven?" His voice was soft rather than irritated and boisterous.

~"Yeah, Gar?"

~"I know I'm not lucid, and yes, I know what that is, but I wannasay somefin to ya..." He paused for a long moment before continuing. "Ah... I'll wait 'til you get here and I sober up some."

~"That sounds good... Just try not to go anywhere from the spot you showed me... I'll be there in a second or seven..." I thought a second about hanging up and heard a soft snore coming fromt he other end of the line. I decided not to hang up but to listen to the sweet sound instead.

~Bee had come in with a dufflebag full of clothes, food, shoes, and some Tylenol for Gar's hangover. She looked at me a moment and opened her mouth to say something but Cy walked in with Rob in one hand and Star in the other.

~"You two have some explaining to do."

~I winked at Bee and phased through the floors and across land and bodies of water that I was sure were lakes and rivers, but who knew? It was nightfall now and everything was shrouded in a veil of black... not from me.

~I eventually ended up in a cigarrette smoke filled bar with rough looking men and an occasional biker chick seated at a round table or at the long bar, but in the corner of the back was a curly blond haired, grey-green eyed boy snoring softly into a yellow and black device. His light pink lips were slightly open and his lanky frame slid down to the floor from a barstool. His 5" 11.5' frame sprawled out on the hardwood floors of the dark, dank place, and yet he seemed to bring a certain glow to that corner.

~I went to take a step forward while snapping my communicator shut and a big, burly man stepped out in front of me. "Where do you think you're goin' little lady?"

~I think he was attempting to instill fear in me and failing greatly, but he continued. "Little girls like you don't com in here often."

~He came a little closer and I smelled the sweet smell of a cigar and booze on his breath. "Actually, my friend over there," I pointed at the corner Gar now lay. "called to get me to come pick him up and-"

~"Well, he won't miss you for very long, now will he?" The man smiled at me with yellow, rotting teeth.

~"Oh, please. I don't even have time for this," I was beginning to get very angry.

~Nearly everyone began to watch me confront this intimidating man. A 5" 1.5' girl with purple hair confronting a 5" 7' man who was slick as an onion and obviously spent a lot of time at the buffet.

~"You don't want to mess with me. I've had a really bad fucking day, and my best friend is wasted out of his fucking mind. Would you mind stepping aside before I make you?" My voice now dripped with venom.

~"Ooh... Fiesty one," he laughed and grabbed my arm.

~That was it. I had enough and snapped. Black energy shot out from me and threw the man back and broke several bottles of alchohol behind the counter, and Gar continued to sleep. Everyone now looked at me in fear and stood back; a couple of the fat man's friends went over and rolled him off to the other side of the room, and I was still fuming at the recent incident. I stormed over to Gar and looked at his face and my anger disipated instantly.

~His angel face sleeping so peacefully melted my anger and caused my heart to skip a beat. I knelt down, placed my hand on his holoform shoulder, and shook him lightly.

~"Gar? Wake up, love..." _What did I just call him?_ My wrist pained and my joints started to lock down and I needed to make a couple of slices just to relieve the agonizing pain.

~He stirred some and looked up at me with those huge, greyish puppy-dog eyes. "Hiya, Rae..." His deep voice was shy and apologetic.

~"Hi..." A small smile graced my lips as the gangly teen attempted to stand and turned an odd shade of green (and not the usual Beast Boy shade.)

~I held his arm with grinding bones and guided him towards the door when he asked, "Why is every one looking at us?" his eyes were dialated and confused.

~"I had a confrontation with one of the patrons..." That was all I needed to say. I felt guilty for a moment but knew it was all for him and shouldn't feel bad anyways.

~He stumbled out into the street and breathed in the crisp night air. "I'm so sorry you have to see me like this..."

~"It's fine... It's fine..." I put a reassuring hand on his back and he doubled over hitching. "Oh, honey..." I felt so bad for him, but my muscles went rigid and paralyzed me the moment he needed me.

~He stood, spat, wiped his mouth, and looked at me with wide eyes. "Raven... What's wrong?"

~I tried not to cry out in pain as a spasm brought me to my knees and I threw a filiment of thought to Gar's mind.

~_I'm so sorry... _My mind was flooded with agony for another moment. _I can't move._

~"Raven! Ohshit, ohshit, oh SHIT," he was starting to panic. "We've got to get you to a hospital or something."

~I mentally begged him not to and he complied. "We have to get back to my hotel then... I'll get a taxi or something. Oh shit, Raven."

~He was instantly lucid and functioning. "Better yet..."

~He transformed into a giant, green pterodactyl and scooped me up in his claws. Every buffet of air caused me to groan in pain and spasm uncontrollably.

~A long, agonizing six minutes later, we landed on the roof of his hotel. I took notice that Gar's hotel was nearly nicer thatn Robin's had been, but it was darker and more my taste. He morphed back into his holoform and picked me up in his muscular arms, and the sudden, faint evanesence of my pain stunned me to a great degree. He sauntered through the top floor's halls as if he owned the pace and quickly scanned the card to his room, snatched the top covers off his bed, and set me on the sheets. As soon as he released contact with me, the pain hit me so hard it made me dizzy.

~"Raven. Tell me what's wrong."

~The pain forced me to hold my tongue for another minute before speaking in a strained, high strung voice. "Gar, get the bag I had with me."

~He walked over and grabbed the bag that he'd thrown down by the door.

~I swallowed hard, fear rising in my chest. "I need you to get me out the razor blade, and don't ask questions."

~He stared at me a long hard moment before I convulsed again. "Damnit, Garfield! Just do it!"

~He rifled through my bag and got out the shiny, single blade.

~"I need you to not panic." I took the blade from him and tore off my glove.


	6. Spilling Secrets

**Depressed yet? Hahaha Don't worry my masochistic friends. My story isn't over yet... Reviews would be helpful. The conversations may not be all that pleasing in this chapter but it's NEARLY all from experience...**

Spilling Secrets

Chapter 5

* * *

_"You should see my scars_  
_You should see my scars_  
_You should see my scars_  
_You should see my scars_  
_Try to comprehend that which you'll never comprehend_  
_Try to comprehend that which you'll never comprehend_  
_Just try to comprehend that which you'll never comprehend_  
_Try to comprehend that which you'll never comprehend_  
_You should see my scars_  
_You should see my scars"_

* * *

~Gar's brown eyes were huge at this point. "Raven, what do you think you're doing?"

~I convulsed again and gritted my teeth in preparation to answer. "I'm... Fixing... A... Problem..." Pain flooded me again as my body begged to bring the steel a little closer. "Just... Go change... I'll be fine... When you... Get back."

~"Don't do anything stupid, Rae," He said as he got up from hovering over me. "I'm going to take a brief shower, and I'll be back."

~He was already stripping off his clothes and revealing an extremely muscular and tanned body. He darted into the bathroom, threw his boxers out the door, and peered around the corner. "If I hear you scream or anything, I swear I'll come out of here buck ass naked."

~Even though the offer was tempting, I resisted. He disappeared around the corner again and I heard the water turn on.

~I knew I would be safe for a couple of minutes while he tried to clean up, so I pressed the blade against my skin like I had done every night and sometimes morning. Slicing across released such a sense of euphoria in my brain it was nearly maddening. The blood seeped out of the cut quicker than I anticipated and started hurting in a different way. It was a feeling you only get when you hit your funny bone or something that brings temporary, crippling pain. In its own weird way, the pain felt wrong - evil even, but the joy that quickly followed released the chemicals in my brain to where I was on cloud nine and bleeding like a stuck animal. The blood from the one cut streamed down my arm and dripped onto my t-shirt making a viscous puddle of ruby blood. I watched as I began to feel light headed and dizzy as the blood trickled down my forearm; then, the water shut off. Mild panic flitted to my brain, but I felt too sluggish and sleepy to react, so I just lay there on the hotel bed watching blood run down my arm and onto my favorite tee.

~Muffled talking came from the bathroom in a mild manner, but when it neared, it became panicked. I groggily lifted my eyes, refusing the lead weights that had bestowed themselves upon me, and looked up at a tan, grey-green eyed angel. Had I died? No... I didn't think I could have. There weren't angels where I was going while on the wide, crooked road I was on. Possibly this would make me change my ways? I figured nothing could save me from this, but I begged against all odds. Then, my eyes closed.

* * *

~I woke up in a dark room with sunlight filtering in through the curtains and tried to remember where I was. In one awful moment of realization, Ipropped up on my right elbow, looked around, and spotted Gar, still wearing his holoform, sitting on the edge of the bed with a brown, half empty bottle in hand. He muttered something incomprehensible and took a swallow of the liquid.

~Finding my voice, I addressed him. "Gimme some of that, Gar."

~He jumped and glared at me long and hard before handing me the bottle. I reached out with my left hand and saw a bandage made of ripped white sheets now soaked with blood. "Oh..." I sighed simply before taking the glass. I took a long drought and emptied the bottle before handing it back. "Jeeze, Gar. You get the cheap stuff."

~His eyes remained wide and surprised. "You drink?"

~"Obviously a lot better than you..." I replied shrugging. Of course I had drank before! I may have been seventeen, but I could drink like a man and still be sober.

~He sat in momentary silence before speaking, "Raven, what were you thinking?"

~I felt no fear, no anger, nothing but avid curiosity. "Doing what?"

~"Cutting yourself! Damnit, woman!" His tone was angry and violent. "You could have killed yourself!"

~"But I didn't," I replied calmly.

~He seemed to be focusing long and hard before continuing. "For the love of-" He cut a look at me and I simply shook my head. I. Did. Not. Like. Blasphemy. Cussing and cursing was fine but not that. He paused again. "Raven, how long have you been doing this?"

~"A couple of weeks..." I dared not look in his eyes and see his reaction.

~"Raven... Don't damage yourself. It will only take longer for you to get better..." His tone was now pained and near desperation.

~"Well, you have a drinking problem," I snapped at him. Why was I being such a bitch? He just saved my life!

~He looked down at the empty glass in his hand, looked back at me, and moved next to where I lay. "Yeah, well..." He unwrapped the makeshift bandage and rested his warm hand over the deep cut. "Well, just imagine my hand over your wrist. Would you cut me?"

~I glanced at his chocolate holoform eyes and confessed, "I can't hurt you, Garfield..."

~"Then don't hurt yourself because it hurts me."

~I eyed him a moment. "You really mean it, don't you?"

~"Hell yeah I mean it." I looked away from his eyes in shame. "Please don't do it... For me?"

~"Please..." He begged now in a heartbreaking tone. "Don't do it..."

~I just groaned and rolled my eyes, "I'm such a stupid kid!"

~"But you're my stupid kid!" We laughed and a sweet smile spread across my face like butter.

~"Yay..." I said neither sarcastic or joyful but rejoicing inwardly.

~We sat there smiling in the gloomy half dark before the vibe of the room shifted and Gar spoke again. "How deep do you go?"

~"I had to build a pain tolerance for it at first... But I go deeper each time..."

~He gave an exasperated sigh. "Shit. Please don't do it again... I cut my arm super deep as a dare and have permanent scars now."

~I nodded in acknowledgement.

~"Please don't... You don't need to lose any blood. Promise me you won't."

~"I'm not going to make a promise I can't keep, Gar, but I **will** let you know when I feel that way if you tell me when you feel like drinking yourself to death."

~I, now slightly ashamed, realized I as spilling out my secrets to a near grown man. Hell... He WAS a grown man. The only reason we bothered to keep the name "Teen Titans" is because Rob and I were the youngest members of the team and still in our teens. I was the well educated baby of the organization, and Richard now tinkered with the idea if being the blue and black clad Nightwing instead of the color dysfunctional Robin. Gar was near about twenty-two at this point in time. He had dated girls younger than him as a near damn rule of thumb, but never once did I think I would fall for the changeling. Now, I think I had been proven wrong.

* * *

**Thanks for the reviews so far, guys. Keep 'em coming, and I'll keep the chapters coming. And to all of you critiques out there, yes I know Gar had blue eyes and blond hair, but I made him look like my friend who said the exact same things to me. And yes, Gar will be the green bean later on, but I didn't think him walking around as a green young man with pointy ears would be too popular with the surroundings.**


	7. Not All Good Things Happen 2 Good People

**Thank you all again... And now for the next chapter. Reviews are greatly appreciated.**

Not All Things Go Well for Good People

Chapter 6

~From that moment on, I realized that if I harmed myself anymore that I could no longer confide in the boy. The sudden revelation of facts brought me to understand that he would get in my way. He would never understand the addictive pain inflicted and the thrill of doing so... As far as I knew, there was no kindred spirit for me, for I was nearly positive that no one else was half demon with anger issues and a 'cutting problem.'

~So there I sat with Gar in who knows where and a broken home back at the Tower.

~Another moment of silence passed before Gar spoke again. "Last night... You sounded really... angry..." He looked at me a moment before continuing. "Is there something wrong back home?"

~I gave an unexpected, dark chuckle. "What isn't wrong? Star won't eat, Dick can't figure out if he's a girl or boy, Bee tried to kill herself, you're over here pickling your liver, and I'm slicing my veins open... You tell me if something's wrong or not."

~His jaw fell wide open. "And they've all come to you for it..."

~"Hell yeah!" I crossed my arms in an effort to cover my exposed skin. "I cut the day you guys left and haven't been able to stop since."

~"Damnit, Rae!" Gar simply shook his blond mane.

~I took notice he wasn't vomiting or throwing anything and made comment. "You're beginning to hold your drinks better..."

~He glanced at the empty bottle and dropped it with a sharp _thunk._ "You drank half of it..." Now, he scowled bitterly.

~Guilt swept over me and made my skin ache again causing me to drop back on the tough bed and groan. "Talk to me... Just distract me. Talk about anything..."

~He looked thoughtful a moment before continuing. "Have I ever told you the story about my dad?"

~I grunted as a no. His parents had always been a touchy subject with him, and when family was ever brought up he would involuntarily wince.

~"Well... Not too terribly long ago did this all happen... It was before I joined the Doom Patrol and the Titans... He'd been having so much trouble with his back, and with our vast amount of money, he got the surgery he needed. You know... Biologists... Scientists... Soon, however, he started acting just plain weird... Then, one day, he gathered us in the living room, gave us a hug, and left. He had the balls to come back after a year of running around with women, and my mom took him back in. He said something to me about her, and it just set me off." He clenched his fists and growled. "I beat the ever living hell out of the bastard right then with my bare hands. My mom just thought we got in a fight, but that summer, we went back to my village in Africa... That's when they drowned. I had become a man at a very early age... That would explain why I'm so... Childish at times..."

~My heart ached for him as I felt his pain and emotional agony but distracted me from my urge. "Oh, Gar... I'm so sorry..."

~"It's fine now... I don't even have to deal with him anymore, but what gets me is that he thought we actually loved him after all he did to us," He just took a deep breath and shrugged.

~The pain soon subsided and let me move freely yet again.

~"Gar, that's... That's awful..."

~"Yeah, but it's cool now... I have a million girls at my disposal and super powers... What else do I need? I mean sure it would be great to have that one girl... The one who makes my life whole and complete... Ya know?"

~_Do I ever_, I mused inwardly.

~"I know you understand, Rae... I mean, why else would you hurt yourself like that?"

~"Because it feels good... And you need some stress relief when you have a cross dressing leader with an anorexic girlfriend and a psychotically depressed girlfriend of a half machine... It starts to make sense when I put it in that context, doesn't it?"

~He nodded slowly and looked away. "Will the others be mad at me for this?"

~"What they don't know won't kill them, Gar..."

~He gave a curt nod and leaped off of the bed stretching out his strong limbs. "So what do you say to some breakfast, Rae?"

~I wanted my usual herbal tea but knew that wouldn't happen, so I complied with a nod and rolled off of the bed smiling. He was taking me out to breakfast...

* * *

~We exited the hotel and strolled down the cobblestone boulevard that was shaded by huge trees covered in Spanish moss. We walked a few blocks in comfotable silence before I attempted conversation.

~"So, where are we?" I voice had an unusual tone of avid curiosity.

~He stood tall over me and looked down smiling. "Saint Augustine..."

~My eyes widened. "I'm in Florida...?"

~"Not a beach person I take it..." He chuckled and the tone was sweet in my ears.

~"Never have been in my short life."

~At this point, we had walked a couple of blocks to a dark cafe, and a notion crept into my thread of thoughts. _He's taking me to a place where I would usually like to go. But why aren't there any people around?_

~Gar pulled the door out and inclined his head, "Ladies first."

~"Who knew you were a gentleman?" My voice was sharp and sarcastic.

~I felt the air become heavy as I entered the little bistro and noted how it was nearly empty but for a few workers darting busily in and out of the kitchen. I felt Gar tense up beside me and my skin stretched back over my bones aching yet again.

~"Something isn't right here... I can feel it..." His usually carefree or drunken voice was now cautious and warning. "Let's... RAVEN, GET DOWN!"

~One second I was standing in the doorway of the little cafe; the next, I was on the floor with Gar on top of me. A once unnoticable ticking grew louder, and I instinctively threw a protective shield around the two of us; not a second later, the whole building was incinerated and nothing but ash. It was most disturbing because there was only a brief fire before everything was grey and desolate. There were no flames. There were no people. There was even an absence of people on the street.

~"What the FUCK?" I blurted out in rage.

~"Damnit! I should have known we were being followed! Shit, Raven... This is bad," He was still laying on top of me.

~My anger grew and grew until I could hardly contain it anymore. "Garfield. Get. Off. Of. Me."

~He rolled off and looked around frantically. "We've got to get home."

~"What is it? Who did this?" My skin prickled and began throbbing.

~He started off down the road muttering and shaking his head. "GARFIELD!" I sent forth a wall of black energy and stopped him.

~He pulled out a flask from his jeans pocket and unscrewed the lid shakily before taking a long drought and licking his lips. I ran over, not levitated but ran, to the boy and snatched the dark canteen out of his hand before he could take another drink. I reared back to bitch slap the hell out of him, but my senses were dulled as I noticed... He was crying...

~"Rae... We've got to leave. Forget everything in the hotel room. We need to leave now."

~A moment of panic rushed in my mind. _But I **need** something in there, you psychotic idiot!_

~He seemed to hear what I was mentally screaming and said, "Leave the blade, Raven. If bad goes to worse, I'll buy you a new one myself and shoot myself later."

~I opened my mouth to say something before my head connected with the concrete and an explosion errupted behind us.

~"Deal."

~With that, I teleported the semi-sober changeling and myself back to the Tower.


	8. Truths and Tribulations

**If you guys are bored, I don't blame you. Still... reviews are welcome... On with the story.**

Truths and Tribulations

~Not once did I think about Gar laying on top of me yet again, but was quickly reminded as I teleported us directly to the Common Room and the others gawked at us in confusion. Gar looked into my eyes for a moment, and I grew very uncomfortable with his closeness and suggestive position.

~"Oh! Friends Raven and Beast Boy! You have-" Star cut off in a gasp.

~"What the hell?" Blurted Karen.

~"Holy fuck!" Cy covered his eyes with one giant mechanical hand.

~"What's going on?" came the cool, collected voice of Richard.

~Gar rolled off of me and blushed heavily while helping me off the floor and exposing my half mutilated wrist. Only one gasp escaped, and I knew I had been found out by one lone soul. With that, I sank through the floors, hung in the space between the spaces, and just levitated there. There was no light in this place; there was no dark. There was no fullness or emptiness. There was no emotion, no demanding... I simply escaped from the real world and threw myself into the empty space of an atom so to speak. It was truthfully the dividing fabric between point A and point B. In this place, time was no object or concept. It was a place of peace, of nothingness but the dull pain I brought with me. The whole fabric of reality strummed with an uneasy, dull agony that, inevitably, made everyone outside of this little fold on fabric act differently. Perhaps, they even shared my pain...

~The pain I endured was more than just physical; although, that was a contributor. The pain felt ancient and enduring yet new and burning, but I did not make a sound as the pressure of the agony increased and thrummed through the threads of existence. The irksome prickling on my inner wrist drove me to think I couldn't escape this vexation and never would, but the emotional burden of knowing... knowing that someone else knew despite my efforts... THAT tore me to pieces.

~This place of once odd comfort had turned into my own personal Hell as it sang the stressed notes of my pain. It squeaked the warped, demented tone of my ancient burdens in discord and flowed into a melancholy tune of a minor key. It was wound so beautifully and terrifyingly well that the music was entrancing and comforting, but my train of thought was horribly interrupted by a groan of a familiar tone that conveyed inexorable anguish.

~I knew I had to get out of the fabric at this point because my emotions, feelings, and pains were becoming reality to others. From this little tear in the fabric of space and time was the key to controlling reality.

~I crossed through the threshold of the other side and stepped into my room though the wall. Gravity pulled me down to the floor, and I was left dizzy from changing from the weightless divider to the lead weighted Earth.

~I remained on my knees in absolute agony. Blood rushed to my extremities making them cold and numb and the craving returned, but I was petrified on the floor and could hardly make my lungs or diaphram work to keep me functioning. Little black dots splayed themselves in front of my eyes and distracted me from forcing my lungs open and closed.

~Then, everything got distant. My bed seemed a thousand miles away, the carpet appeared to be sixty feet below me, and the door was an impossible lightyear a way. The shaft of light that penetrated though my dark room seemed even longer and the figure that stood there was the size of a small ant, but the ant sized person faded to black and the wall of smokey obsidian light enveloped everything. I was pretty sure I was going to die then... But I had thought that dozens of times in the past week, so who knew?

* * *

~An odd, irritating beeping faded the black veil on my vision, and I swiped my arm only to be tethered down by numerous tubes and wires. To my vexation, I couldn't move at all beacuse of my restraints.

~"Ugh..." My head spun because of the obvious painkillers and numbing serums. "What' the fuck's goin on?"

~Blurred figures came into clearity and focus as I attempted to look around further. From what I could decern with my system full of sedatives and such, I knew I was in the Medical Ward of the Tower. Around me stood one lone, vague outline of a tall, green young man.

~"Christ, Raven. I've been worried out of my fucking mind about you. I mean..." His image sharpened into focus, and he ran his hand through his now forest green hair. "First, I found out you cut; then, you go all scary with the cussing and emotional stuff. Now look at you! You're in the Med Ward with who knows what's wrong with you..."

~"Interdemensional travel actually... I got caught in between realities..." I shrugged as well as I could with restraints.

~He looked at me with an expectant look as if to ask for further detail, but I gave him none.

~"You owe me an explanation of why in the hell you made me teleport us to the Tower from FLORIDA," I mentally cursed at not being able to fold my arms.

~He rolled his huge green eyes and glanced at me before dragging a chair to my side on a hospital bed. "It's a long story... Is that ok?"

~I limply gestured to the room around me. "I'm not going anywhere any time soon."

~He spun the chair around and straddled it before continuing. "Ok... Well... In Africa, I ran into some old friends... People I grew up with from my tribe or village or..." He waved his hand in dismissal of the minute detail. "whatever, but I started being around them more and more... Not long afterwards, I started drinking and mauling people when I was drunk." He hung his head over the back of the chair and into his hands. "Then, I ran into some people that were... skilled with fire and things like that. The were always chanting rituals and some fucked up shit like that. One night after I drank about two whole bottles of vodka, I ran into these people and confronted them on their beliefs. I asked why they did what they did, and when they didn't answer, I beat one of them to death. Little did I know, they were after me anyways.

~I knew I was wanted around the village, but I didn't know they wanted to kill me for being the 'taker of the gift.' Apparently, that infected, crazy- ass monkey that bit me was their little god of some sort who was meant to relay all of its power into the strongest man of the tribe. Being not of the tribe originally, they saw me as a threat and began plotting my destruction, and not two days later, they came to kill me. That's when I fled to the States, but obviously, I didn't travel far enough."

~He looked up at me with solemn eyes and drooped ears. "I put you in danger, Rae... I couldn't live if you got hurt again... Especially because of me."

~I continued to ponder over what he relayed to me and asked, "You said they chanted rituals and tried obsurd things involving fire, right?"

~"Yeah?" His tone was suspicious.

~"Interesting..." I went over several scenerios in my mind over and over, all of them involving my dead father dearest and his fire abilities. "Do you think it was demon worship or something?"

~The changeling's eyes widened. "It was Trigon. I... I remember seeing things like carvings of his horns and stuff."

~"No really?" My tone had again taken the bitter sacrastic edge that was icy cold. "Did they mention anything interdemensional or anything like that?"

~"Dude, Raven, they don't even rightly know what a plane is."

~"I take that as a no."

~"You're right, but they did try to continually cut the air open with some magic shit."

~The realization hit me so hard and so suddenly, the heart monitor stopped beeping and let out one long beep before picking up my heartbeat again.

~"Gar... This is really bad."

~"How bad is really bad?" He began to look concerned.

~"Really, really bad... Like, rip the fabric of reality bad."

~"Oh, shit."


	9. Falling

**I hope things are interesting enough for you all... Drop by reviews of PMs or whatever you feel like... On with the story.**

Falling

~The changeling looked at me with enormous eyes and his mouth gaped. "Oh, Raven, this is bad."

~**That **was an understatement. "No, really? We only have an estranged occult on the rise and have to worry about them trying to resurrect my father."

~"Well... At least we know what we're up against..." He shrugged.

~That was all I hoped they were planning unless... My eyes widened considerably. "Gar... I think they're trying to take over the world by means of interdemensional travel... I know it sounds absurd but..." A pause. "Gar, I need you to get me to these village people."

~He giggled. "The Village People, Rae?"

~I rolled my eyes at the lightening of the mood. "Oh, do shut up and get me out of here." I motioned at my tethers.

~He leaped out of his straight backed chair and unhooked the wires and tubes confining me to the table. I sat bolt upright and stretched a moment before bounding off the bed and confidently to the Common Room. Gar walked by my side warily watching me in case I happened to faint or get dizzy, which I did get dizzy but wasn't going to tell him that. I threw a glance at the puckered skin on my wrist and sighed in desperation. I knew, at this point, the whole Tower knew of my 'problem.' However, I walked on down the corridors strong and tall, despite my short stature. Gar seemed to notice my change in mood from determined to slightly concerned.

~"Rae, we still love you no matter what."

~"And I to you all as well... Particularly you, Garfield," I was taken aback by my response as much as he seemed to be.

~We fell into an awkward silence as our footfalls on the carpet and breathing was all that could be heard for several minutes until we reached the great Common Room doors. I punched in the code and all chatter on the other side quieted somewhat. The doors slid open and revealed Star and Bee conversing in hushed tones while Richard and Cy seemed to be having a vehement discussion including grand hand gestures. All conversations came to a complete halt as we entered the gathering room.

~"Nice to see you up and about," commented a quiet and calm Robin.

~"Oh, friend Raven! You have awakened from your slumber! We have missed you and have wanted to see if you were feeling well yet!" Her eyes had returned to their bright, vivid green and her skin seemed less strained. Her hand now held an ever present bottle of mustard.

~"Yo, Rae! What was goin' on?" boomed Cy's identifiable voice.

~Bee merely grunted in agreement to all of the questions and comments.

~"I'd love to tell you guys all about everything was over a steaming cup of tea, but there's something we need to take care of. We have some bad, evil business to take care of."

~Gar piped up. "Mostly my fault."

~I slapped him on the back of the head and a giggle escaped from Star. "Shut up."

~"At least let me tell them what we're up against," he looked down at me with an urresistable grin.

~I shrugged in compliance.

~The others had gathered around us by this time, and Gar told his tale and suspicions. By the time he finished, Cyborg was holding Karen while she cried her eyes out, Starfire nearly crushed the bottle of mustard to a dust with her alien death grip, and Robin gritted his teeth and a very masculine look dominated his features.

~Cy looked up from a sobbing Bee and asked, "So we're getting involved in some tribal ritual because Gar was in the wrong place at the wrong time and Trigon is dead."

~I shrugged again looking around the room. "Pretty much."

~"Not to mention the fact that we're _all_ still recovering from _something_ whether it's been not eating, manic depression," Bee sobbed harder and blubbered something no one could understand. "a cross dressing leader, a drunk, and a cutter. Oh, joy. Looks like I'm the only normal one."

~Gar tensed up beside me. "There's nothing wrong with a little stress relief. Raven's just happened to be harmful to herself and is on the road to recovery."

~Cy, still holding onto his fiancee, pointed acusationally at Gar. "YOU don't need to worry about it. Kay? You know she has fresh cuts, and they've been since you two have been around eachother."

~Starfire began to look uncomfortable and Richard shirted towards her, wrapping his arm around her waist. Good sign. Then, I turned my attention back to the arguing half robot and changeling.

~"Would you two-" I began quietly.

~"Stay out of this, tin man."

~"Stop fighting-" My voice rose a little.

~"Make me grass stain!"

~Now would be a good time to-" I was near about yelling now.

~They cut me off again and I exploded. "SHUT THE FUCK UP OK?"

~The toaster blew up to high heaven as my dark energy attacked it. Why was it always the toaster?

~I was fuming at this point and a black veil covered my eyes as my voice had a double over it. "We need to stay together and work this out. This is no time to have a pointless argument."

~Everyone took a step back, and Bee, who was only sniffling before my volatile explosion, was crying yet again.

~Gar was the first to speak, "You're right, Rae... This is pretty pointless..."

~Dizziness swept over me and I attempted to keep composed. "My skin hurts..."

~My knees grew pained as well as my elbows and hips, and just as I thought I was going to fall, strong arms wrapped around me in protection and held me up. Gar's warmth filled me and rejuvenated my very soul. I had never felt such a kind, sincere soul in my life; just feeling the strong vibe made me strong and determined to live... determined to quit... The air around us was tense, but I didn't care. He held me in his arms like I belonged there, like he wanted me there in this little world- little universe- between us and the rest of reality. We were our own little bubble in existence. The strong hand on my back began shaking, however, and the pain in my limbs subsided.

~He soon let me go and propped himself on his knees with his hands. "Damn, Rae. You've gotten yourself into some serious shit."

~"Not as serious a shit as the rest of the world is in right now. One cutting teen is nothing compared to the tribe in the African jungles trying to conjure up a demon and rip the fabric of space and time..."

~The others just looked at us astounded how we managed to escape in our little bubble of space and air. He ignored them all, straightened and stooped down to my level.

~I just glared into the depths of his eyes. "You owe me a blade, Mr. Logan." My voice could only be heard by the animal senses of my changeling friend.

~His ears drooped considerably and he grabbed my arms and shook me lightly. "Raven... Please quit... If that's the pain you're in every time you cut, please stop... I can't take it..."

~"I'll get it myself then..." I shighed before turning to the other Titans.

~They simply stared at Gar and me with mouths agape. "Well, guys, we've got work to do..."


	10. A Dark Blade of Glory

**I know I may not be interesting anymore to you, my masochistic viewers, but hold tight and continue to read and review.**

A Blade of Dark Glory

~Gar glared at me with fire in his eyes as I shrugged off his comment and addressed the team. They all nodded inagreement and began preparing for a journey that would take at least a few days if not a week or two at the most. Rob disappeared from the Common Room with Kori, and Bee and Cy were arguing over what food to bring.

~Gar and I, however, stood a moment before he shook his head and spoke softly with pain obvious in his voice. "Raven... I think I might die if you do that again..."

~My emotional anguish returned as I simply looked into his eyes, searching for any sign of relenting, but there was no trace. "Gar... You don't understand how good it feels, or why I do what I do... You're the only one that cares, and I know that I can't hide everything from you... But I can't live without this, Garfield. I would do anything for you at any time..."

~"You're doing this because no one's ever bothered to stand by your side..." He pulled me up to his chest and held my wrists, stroking the inside gently with his thumb and lowering his voice. "I will never leave you, Raven."

~"And I you, Gar..." I whispered back before pulling away and turning to leave.

~He caught my forearm and wheeled me around to face him again. "I'm going with you everywhere you go, understood?"

~I rolled my eyes and my heart ached. "I don't want to hurt you by going off and buying a new blade right in front of you."

~He stiffened before answering in a cold voice, "I told you I would go get it, and I will... Even if it kills me..."

~The last phrase caught me off guard and stung my chest with great precision and force, my throat tightened and a groan escaped in the place of words, and my knees buckled. Just as I was going down, strong arms wrapped around my torso and provided strength and comfort.

~He lowered his head and whispered in my ear, "I will never let you go."

~I attempted to speak again but was silenced. "Now, let's go get you a new blade even though my heart is breaking..."

~I enveloped us in a black orb of energy and teleported us to the nearest drug store.

* * *

~I had regained my ability to walk; although, it was painful. I limped around leaning on Gar's side every once in a while before just giving up and letting him hold me up. We aimlessly looked about the store until Gar straightened and his vibes turned to strong and disapproving. I knew we had stumbled onto the aisle with razor blades, straight blades, blades for box cutters, etc. He was in his own little Hell, and I was overjoyed that I could finally end my pain with a little trade off. There were so many pieces to pick from that it was almost like an amusement park- so many rides to choose from, but you can only ride one. My expression, which I figured was reflecting agony, relaxed and possibly brightened while Gar's became dark and foreboding.

~I tried to reach for a shiny, steel glass scraper but only got a short distance from Gar before locking up again. With a sigh, he pulled me up and into his arms after reaching down for the blade I desired so badly and handing me the cardboard and plastic packet.

~"Oh, Gar, thank you so much..." I smiled up at him and pulled my arms around him in a hug. His muscular limbs flew up and hesitated before hugging me back.

~"Please... Don't mention it... Seriously..." He released me with one arm and ran his free hand through his forest green hair. "I feel like I'm aiding your death..."

~We ambled up to the front counter, paid for my disease, and transported back to the Tower's hallway.

~Still in his arms, I hastily unwrapped the steel and ran my index finger down the edge and drew the tiniest bit of blood. A wild fire lit in Gar's eyes, and he slung me back with sudden force making my head smack against the wall and hot liquid to trickle down my neck. "Oww."

~"Raven..." His voice was husky and sadened. "I can't do this... You're too fragile..."

~"So says the man who just threw me against a wall." I snapped back.

~"I didn't mean to have that much force behind it..." He confessed.

~"That's enough, Gar. I need to go take care of some things..." My heart sank as I realized what I had just said. Embarassed, I enveloped myself, and myself only, in my dark energy, sending me to my bathroom and landing on the tile.

~A small groan escaped because I felt so guilty leaving Gar holding the bag, but I had to do this before I got sent back to the Med Ward and possibly got a straight jacket. I knew what I had to do at this point. I extracted the blade from a fold in my cloak and drew a deep breath in though my nose and beared my teeth. Just before I dragged the blade towards me, a timid knock interrupted my thoughts.

~"Raven...?" Gar's voice penetrated the air.

~"Yes?" I replied in my classic monotone.

~"Please... Don't hurt yourself... It's been three days since you did it last... Please..." He sounded broken.

~"It's not painful to anyone but you, Gar."

~"The hell it isn't!" His breath caught in his throat. "You hurt me when you do this! Please... Don't..."

~Guilt became unbearable at this point, and I reluctantly ripped my skin wide open and drew a sharp breath in, trying to hold in a sob. A stream of tears flooded from my eyes and I applied pressure on the gaping wound. "Gar..." I whimpered. "I'm so sorry... I had to..."

~"NO! Raven! Don't do this to yourself! PLEASE!" He cried.

~I dragged the blade over my skin once more, then twice more and curled up on the cold, tile floor. "It's too late..." I whispered.

~There was a loud _bang_ and a large dent in the door appeared before another sob escaped from the other side of the door. "Raven..."

* * *

**Well... Sorry if it sucks. I'm uber tired and probably make no sense and am too lazy to use spell check.**


	11. Tribal Rituals

**I'm getting bored with this story, but since you all seem to like it... I shall continue... Please review so I have incentive to complete this tragic tale. jk.**

Tribal Rituals

~The door beheld a giant dent in the very center and a sobbing emanated from the other side; from then, I was absolutely sure that I could do nothing but hurt the ones I cared for. At first, I was an emotionless bitch who made snide remarks; then, I became the portal for my daddy dearest. Now that I had gotten better, I was killing the one I loved the most little by little. I was the cause, the fall, and the fallen; if I was going down in flames, I was dragging everyone down with me, but I didn't want to take him... a green-eyed angel to a violet-eyed demoness...

~"Raven. Open the fucking door now. I will break this down and will come in the after you. If that happens, things won't be pretty." His voice was terrifyingly calm through his tears and rage.

~Tears only silently streamed down my face at this point. "What if I don't...?" I asked so softly only he could have heard me with his heightened animal senses.

~"Raven... Please... You're killing me slowly, and I'm just... It's just disappointing to know that all I've done has gone to waste." He stopped beating on the door after a moment or two.

~Those words- that I had let him down, that I had hurt him- cut through me sharper than any knife or blade causing me to weep harder. I lay on the floor with my head against the cold tile and forehead resting against the cabinet weeping for him, for love, for life, for my heritage, for my inabilities, for my limitations, for his hurt, for his disappointment... for everything that could possibly be my fault.

~My heart ached and felt like it was hardly beating, but every time there was a pronounced beat, a shot of pain traveled down my arm and into my wrist. My crying quieted a little while after Gar confronted me, and I found my voice.

~"Gar...?" I shivered.'

~No response.

~"I'm just so, so sorry... Just so sorry..." My voice was barely a whisper.

~A pained voice seemed to come up from behind me, and I looked up; there stood Gar, arms wide and inviting with a sober look on his face. I just stared at him numbly feeling nothing but the agony in my wrist and heart, but he obviously felt everything around him. He watched me warily for a moment before wrinkling his nose and scraping me off the floor and out of a pool of my own blood. I turned cold and shivered once in his arms because of his warm body against mine.

~"Oh, Rae, what have you done?" He asked rhetorically.

~I remained silent as if I didn't hear him, and he sat down on the only little chair in the whole bathroom which was a considerable size. Still in his arms, I looked up into his wathcing eyes and simply gazed into them. He just looked back down at me frowning slightly a moment then glancing up and snatching a towel off the bar next to the shower which was within two feet of the chair and pressing down on my weeping gash.

~He looked intently at his work and never looked up even though I knew he could sense my probing stare. "Gar, do you forgive me?" My voice was weak but firm.

~He glanced up form the bloodied rag, at me, then back down. "I will never leave you no matter how stupid you are or what stupid thing you do."

~My masochism got the best of me. "What about this hurts you?" I lifted my blood streaked arm.

~The towel was thrown on the floor; his hand combed through my hair and forced the air passing from my lungs to hitch and stop momentarily. "Everything..." The one hand stayed in my short hair and the other snatched my left hand up. "What about this wouldn't bring me pain? I care for you more than you know. That's why I go around and act stupid to make you laugh and go to Africa to get away when I think I'm having trouble controlling myself and why I am doing this... Wiping up blood from a self inflicted cut..."

~He glared at my wrist in disdain and back up. "Please tell me I'm not wasting my time here..."

~"No..."

~"Good because I don't want to feel that way... You're a very special person to me, Raven."

~I nodded and glanced at my no longer weeping wound. "You are to me as well, Gar..."

~He looked back down in the same area I was gazing upon. "I could stay here all day and night with you, but I think the others are going to miss us... Besides," He slid his arms under my back and knees, stood, and laughed heartily as I scrambled to hold on with a little shriek. "The others already have everything, and all we have to do is climb in the two seater in the back... It's soundproof and stuff so we can talk...?"

~I smiled up at him and nodded in agreement.

* * *

~In the T-Jet, I rested my head on Gar's chest and took a light snooze while he sat there stroking my scars. His rough thumb scratched over my sensitive skin and soothed frayed nerves stirred up by accusations thrown around by the other Titans about the loud sounds, crying, and long absence. His warmth pulsed noticeably in the air around him as did his strength. His soft breathing lulled me into a light nap filled with peace and a carefree air filled the small cab. A small touch on my violet hair woke me from my light slumber and I looked up expectantly.

~"Oh... Sorry, Rae... Didn't mean to wake you up..." A light pink blush settled on his forest green skin.

~"It's fine..." I said with a slight smile and I stretched what little I could in the cramped space. "How long was I out?" I looked out over the Jet and noticed we were surrounded by blue.

~"Not very long," He smiled and laughed a little. "We're over the Gulf so... About thirty minutes."

~"Oh, good... I don't need to sleep too long..." I rubbed my eyes self consciously. "The adreneline rush knocked me on my ass."

~"Good God, Raven."

~"What?" I queried.

~"You just... You're just so fragile..." He hung his head and looked up at me. "I don't know how the tribe will take this..."

~I was thoroughly perplexed at this point. "Huh?"

~"They will want to test your strength..."

~"Great..." I said slightly sarcastic and mostly understanding. With this tribe, I assumed that only the strongest would be accepted among the people, and I hoped I would be one of the accepted.

~We flew another hour before sleep crept in on me and filled the comfortable silence between Gar and me. He was the first to take a light snooze and I followed shortly behind thinking about how the tribe might take me.

* * *

~The Jet's engine slowed and the noise of its grumbling ceased as we descended. My eyes fluttered open and I panicked, not knowing where I was for a second before hearing a soft snore escaping the parted lips of my dear friend. Sliding back in my chair padded blue chair, I gazed out at the horizon and the orange, setting sun shaded by hazy purple clouds. A vast jungle cut through with a silver river grew closer to us as we dived towards the great unknown, and my stomach fluttered in uneasiness. Gar, however, slept peacefully until the engine changed pitch once again in an attempt to land on a grassy patch of land; his ears twitched slightly and his eyes snapped open with wild excitement.

~I bit my lip without knowing and picked my nails nervously.

~"Nervous?"

~His voice was giddy and child like; whereas, mine was bitter and dry. "Absolutely."

~He giggled and looked about. Cy finally released the hatches, and Gar sprang up, pushed the glass lid off, and grabbed my hand to pull me out of the small pod. I reluctantly gripped is hand, feeling a pain shoot up my arm, and stood from my cramped little space. The sight I beheld stunned me with its astounding beauty. There was just no explaining the bizarre, surreal jungle of Africa where my Garfield grew up... There were bright pink flowers decorating tall trees that created a great canopy overhead through which little shafts of light filtered through.

~Gar bounded out of the Jet and morphed into a green wolf making him blend in with his surroundings in doing so. I could faintly see the dark green spots on a brighter body loafing about happily and occasionally would roll around on the ground. He darted off deeper into the jungle, and I looked back to see the others still getting out of the T-Jet with slow, jerky movements. Seeing them stretching and yawning, I shrugged and shot off to find Gar by using my empathic powers to spot where he was.

~I drifted off into the jungle and felt life all around; this place thrived with green life and animals abounded. I hovered just above the damp ground and continued to search for my green shapeshifter. Out of nowhere, a streak of green flashed across a little clearing and jumped on me, knocking me down.

~"Ugh! Gar!" I giggled despite myself.

~There was a raspy chortle and my eyes opened to see a small wolf resting on my chest with a mouthful of purple flowers. He dropped them on my chest and licked my hand timidly.

~I lifted up the fragile little flowers and Gar rolled off morphing back into his human form. "The tribe says that they like you..." His voice was timid.

~"What?" My once giddy voice was flat as stone.

~"One of the scouts saw you drifting around the jungle," he shrugged. "and the scout said something about your hair and eyes... That color is treasured here and is a sign of royalty sooo..." He shrugged again and looked away blushing.

~I looked up at him and tried to understand but failed. He seemed to sense my confusion. "We have more than one tribal ritual here... And they think you're my um... Yeah... And you're 'royalty' so... Yay for me," He stuck his thumb in his chest and smiled at me.

~"Oh..." I felt my face get hot and my scars tingled and itched for a craving fix as my embarrassment filled me further. "That's... Nice..."

~He laughed, clapped me on the back, and began to say something but was cut off by Cyborg barreling through the jungle alongside Dick and Star.

~"Guys!" Gar roared over the commotion. "Shut up! They can hear you and-"

~Several dark skinned men wearing hardly any clothing but a loincloth and paint over their muscular bodies.

~Gar spoke rapidly in Swahili as I backed up against him and the others drew closer to us. We were surrounded by tribesmen and our only hope was a Swahili speaking green bean... How ironic...


	12. Violets

**Thank you all for the support :) I now think I can finish this... Sorry about the great change in the last chapter but I had to move things along :)**

Violets

~Several dark tribesmen surrounded us- some with bows and arrows, some with machine guns, and some with spears. Panic built little by little in my body until my black energy covered a rock and exploded. Gar cut me an angry glance as he was trying to appeal to the primitive people, but they were astounded to my surprise.

~One of the largest, most intimidating men approached me with machine gun in hand, and a wave of cold nausea flooded me. He edged towards me until he was only three feet away and sweat was beading on his upper lip; then, he spoke, laughed menacingly, and Gar lunged at him in the form of a green tiger. Gar attempted to get one swipe in, but I shielded the man and pulled Gar back with a thick band of unbreakable energy while the others were standing there flabbergasted.

~"Guys! A little help would be nice!" I growled angrily.

~They began to move but all weapons held by the other men raised in an instant, and Cy grumbled, "We would if we could without getting shot, Rae."

~I gave a little roar of frustration before Gar morphed back into his human form and exclaimed, "It's a test, Rae! They're testing you!"

~"Huh?" My focus was broken by a small cry escaping from Gar before his body went limp and no longer resisted my hold.

~My eyes flew wide open and the blood in my veins tuned to ice as I saw a small dart protruding from his neck. Sweat formed on his face as it flushed a moment, and Anger released her wrath for hurting the shapeshifter as I involuntarily shouted, "Azarath, Metrion, ZINTHOS!"

~A wave of black, sticky energy built in my chest and burst forth, enveloping everything in a atramentous cover and destroying every little thing that was not a human, and the humans were knocked flat on their backs and paralyzed them for the time being. I trapped us all in an orb of raw, poisonous, demonic energy and twisted the boundries of reality in doing so. I used the space itself to hold them down by a visible curtain of pure, unadulterated energy; the darker side of my blast left its mark by temporary paralysis.

~The sudden outburst left me seeing double of everyone and twisted the now blackened ground and sky obstructed by my veil. The darkness lightened a little bit and gradually faded as I stood in the center of a fifty foot patch of charred plants and glanced around at my comrades and tranquilized friend in a slight mental fog. I knelt down to tend to the dart still sticking out of his neck, yanked out the projectile from his side, and placed my small hand on his warm neck while chanting my mantra to heal the wound. A think clear liquid with a yellow tent flowed from the closing wound and flowed over my fingers. I instantly knew the liquid was poison from an animal of some sort... most likely a poison dart frog...

~Anger threatened to well up in me again, but I supressed the urge to kill the one responsible for this act as I gripped the dart until it snapped and the rest of the viscous liquid flowed the slintered wood in my palm. My focus was broken by a stifled groan from Star as she lifted herself off the forest floor.

~"Friend Raven... You do the 'packing the punch' quite well when you are angry..." She rubbed her head and smoothed her vibrant red hair down.

~I blushed slightly and apologized again and again as each member of the team rose from the dirt... except Gar who remained unconscious... I knelt down again and put my forefinger and middle finger on his neck to feel his pulse, and it was as strong as ever, but Cy came over to scan him with his arm.

~"Woah! That's weird!" His mouth fell open; I rushed up and strained to see the scanner but failed yet again.

~"What is it?" asked Star and me at the same time.

~"He's perfectly fine... I expected the poison to be all over his body but... I guess you did a good job, Rae!" He clapped me on the back with a huge grin, but the moment was ruined by the rising tribesmen. We all prepared for an attack this time, but they dropped their weapons and greeted us with wide arms and great grins.

~"Salamu!" announced the largest in the group, and Cy whipped out a translator. "Una kupita kipimo! Gar alikuwa sahihi katika anatuambia ya nguvu ya msichana Violet. Alikuwa na haki katika kuchagua mate vile apendavyo. Tunafurahi alichagua mamlaka ya juu zaidi ya umaskini. "

~We all cast confused looks between the dark man and Cyborg, and Cy finally translated hesitantly, "He says, 'Greetings! You have passed the test! Gar was correct in telling us of the strength of the violet girl. He was right in choosing such a fitting mate. We are glad he chose higher authority over poverty.'"

~Our mouths fell open simultaneously.

~"So wait..." began Rob. "They think Raven is royalty... and that she's Gar's mate..."

~Cy nodded in affirmation, and the man spoke again. "We speak English little..." He held up his hands and put them close together in an illustration. "But Gar teach some... He take Violet girl, and he royalty now."

~My mouth fell open even wider. "Why do you think I'm royalty?"

~The man's eyes sparkled. "Daughter of Trigon, this where you belong..."

~A collective gasp was drawn, and I stood from my crouched position by Gar. Pointing in the man's face I retorted, "I am not anymore. He is dead, and I shall not be linked to him. Understood?"

~The man's smile fell some but he spoke in a friendly tone, "As you wish, Msichana Huyo Pepo..."

~"Cy, what does that mean?" I snapped furiously.

~He looked at his arm and paled. "You don't want to know..."

~"I do to damnit!"

~"He called you Demon Girl."

~I growled and a cold black veil covered my hand as I readied myself to kill the weak little man. Just before a bolt of black energy was unleashed, a grey gloved hand held me back and a very familiar voice whispered, "You don't want to kill him... He just has no manners..."

~"The hell I don't want to kick his ass! Let me have him and teach him some manners!"

~The sweaty man laughed and Gar just kept cooing words of encouragement until my rage subsided. He gave a small sigh of relief and said, "I thought your heart was going to explode... It was _loud._ It creeped me out a little." He giggled a little.

~I smiled somewhat and said, "Well, at least I have one, right?"

~He nodded, let me go and ruffled my hair with a smile. The others just stared in shock at my tolerance of him touching me.

~"Well... Take us back to the tribe, Demissie. We can't stay here all day..."

~The large, bald man nodded, turned to his men, and gallivanted off into the vast jungle hooting and hollering.

~"This day keeps getting stranger and stranger..." I whispered under my breath.

~Gar gave another soft laugh beofre pulling me along into the greenery and greatess therein.

* * *

~I willingly floated very close to Gar as vines and branched hindered the other three, and we were far ahead.

~"I really am sorry about Demissie... He didn't know a good woman standing right in front of him..."

~His sudden words made me jump. "Are there a lot of women in the village?"

~Gar rolled his eyes. "No, unfortunately... The men have to kill eachother for a woman around here... It's pathetic that the men are chosen to have a girl as soon as she's born... I was the exception because I was white... Now look at me..." He looked down in disgust. "I'm _green_..."

~"I think it's a good color on you..." I said halfway to myself as we continued to walk and throw occasional glances at the others.

~He looked at me with a face filled with disbelief. "Even though you've seen me as what I'd look like as a human?"

~I shurgged and pulled my hood closer around my face. "Either way... You're Garfield Mark Logan..."

~He smiled shyly and began to say something only to be rudely interrupted by more yells and cheers. A dark woman clad in animal skins, beads, and bones greeted Gar with a massive hug and another cheer as we entered the grass hut village.

~She walked into the city, pulling us by our arms, and spoke so rapidly even Gar looked confused.

~"Garfield... You have come back to us..." She said with a smile and almost perfect English with a heavy accent. "You do remember me... correct?"

~"Dianachew..." He smiled. "How could I forget your wisdom that has brought the village so far...?"

~"Ah, you make an old girl blush." Her skin reddened. "You are the one who brought us English and the English ways," She paused and eyed me over. "You have brought good luck to this place..." She touched my hair and brought out a small knife. With a quick _thwip, _she cut a small piece of hair from my head and stowed it in a pouch. "Come... The violets are not in bloom, but we shall have a celebration anyways... You will be our violet."

~I didn't know whether or not to be flattered by the statement or not, but Dianachew's joy was confusing and nearly menacing. This time, I was afraid.


	13. Let the Flames Begin

**Thank you all so much... I have no idea why but I'm unable to see any reviews or anything after chapter ten so... If I don't see something important, you all know how to reach me :)**

Let the Flames Begin

~Gar's face was of stone when Dianachew said this, but he followed her deeper into the village's center with a hand on my shoulder. He cast nervous glances around at all the people smiling with greed, and his ears twitched as they often did when he was overly alert. His grasp on my shoulder never loosened as his paranoia seeped out from his very being. His unsound mind caused me to look around in observation and note every single detail of the village. Fourteen grass huts, six pigs, two spears outside every door, seven drying animal skins next to every other house, three machine guns, exactly twenty-eight adults, and sixteen children inhabited the small town.

~Something odd I did notice was the fact that there were only twelve women in the whole tribe out of the forty-four people I did see. My observations were cut short by a feral growl from Gar and six gangly dark teens seeming to appear from nowhere.

~"You owe us your head, Garfield. A head for a head," said a smaller one.

~Then the whole swarm began chanting and advancing with weaponry. "Kutupa kichwa yako!"

~Gar, who had been beside me and nearly behind me, snatched me back behind him and morphed into a giant wolf, but this was no ordinary wolf... This was his Beast...

~I snapped into a defensive position and took my place beside him. Instantly, the chanting and advancement halted, and all became silent as Gar snarled and I stood firm by his side with hands lifted for an attack.

~The teens lowered their bows and arrows and spears with looks of admiration. "The child comes to her place to bring back her father by ripping the fabric."

~"WHAT?" My rage escaped again and black energy seeped from my hands and now blurred my vision. My voice was twisted and filled with fury. "What makes you think I would help you bring back _HIM_?" I vaguely noticed how the whole gang of the dark men seemed to grow smaller until I realized I towered over them. "I WILL NOT BECOME THE PORTAL AGAIN!"

~I released another bout of toxic energy; then, everything went black.

* * *

~I felt something tugging on me in the blackness of unconsciousness, and I tried to identify the strange sensation with no avail. I simply remained in the odd state of blackness until light began to penetrate the void. Only then did I realize I was tied down- or up rather- to a long beam alongside Gar, Cy, Bee, Rob, and Star. Each couple was tied to one beam, but their poles were nowhere as terrifying as Gar's and mine. Their's were simply beams protruding from dirt, but ours was buried in a mound of bone from animals and... people... Ornate carvings on the timber dug into my flesh.

~Sometimes you might look over a massive detail taht should stand out to you at once, but it never reveals itself until you notice it on yourself and nearly give yourself a heart attack. A moment like that hit me, and I realized we were all dressed as the people of the tribe with the exception of myself... Instead of being clad in numerous animal skins, I was scarcely clothed in the scraps of the skins on my friends. The dress was nearly nonexistent as it only covered what I wanted to remain the personal part of my person.

~I crained my neck around and saw Gar was similarly dressed. His muscular body covered in sweat stood out and caught my coveting eye.

~"Raven," His lips barely moved and his eyes were still closed.

~I reached out with my empathic powers and noticed he was completely asleep and talking. I attempted to reach out to him but was held by ropes and cursed.

~"Damnit. Why us?" I whispered quietly.

~Everyone else was asleep, including the people in the tribe, and the night sky was black as pitch. A lonely fire lit our prison and cast strange shadows on our bodies.

~_It was all a setup... Gar trusted these people, and they knew he had me..._A tear escaped from my eye, and I reluctantly let it slip down my face and into darkness. I lifted my head and remembered I could teleport... _Heh heh... Stupid little tribesmen._ I freed myself from the ropes, glided down to the dirt, and stretched. I looked back up at the giant timber with Gar still sleeping fitfully and mumbling and decided to examine him for any wounds... At least, that's what I told myself I was doing...

~I lifted myself up to his level and, for a long time, just looked at his face. It was beautiful to say in the least, and I let my eyes travel down his well toned and muscled chest. I drew closer to him and fell like a stone. I lay sprawled out on the ground in a moment of shock and felt my wrist ache and throb. _No..._

~I knew I would lay like this for perhaps minutes if not hours in agony. My joints locked down and I simply endured; it had been days since the last time I had done this. I just lay on my back in the dirt and contemplated how to not hurt Gar... That was all I could think about... Not hurting him... Unfortunately, I knew if I resisted, I would be paralyzed until I fixed it... But I couldn't disappoint him...

~I argued with myself until my joints loosened and my skin let me move. The sky was a bruised purple now, but the village was still sleeping. I leaped off the ground and snapped all my friends' ropes with my focused energy; they each fell down and landed in the dirt with a groan.

~I stifled one myself and whispered, "Guys, no sudden moves and don't be loud..."

~They slowly rolled over to glare at me except Gar who smiled. "I saved your asses didn't I?"

~Dick grunted and brushed the dirt off of himself as he stood. "I need to get clean... This is gross."

~Star slapped him on the back of the head and hissed, "Act like a man, you insolent little..." She stopped and turned red. "Forgive me..."

~He smiled and took her into a kiss that made my stomach roll over in discomfort, and I looked away embarrassed that I was still alone... The word resounded in my head... _Alone..._ The very word made my chest ache and skin throb.

~"C'mon guys," hissed Cy glancing in my direction and both pulled away from each other blushing slightly. Cy wrapped his arm around Bee who began welling up with tears.

~"Let's go..." I began to wrap my energy around us until a yelp erupted from behind me. I spun around to see a dark teen of the tribe holding a knife to Gar's throat.

~He laughed maniaclly. "Let the flames begin."

~The whole tribe was alive and moving, or so it seemed... Every house was lit on fire in a giant ring that resembled horns.

~I dropped into an offensive stance and glared at the boy holding Gar captive. "One move, he die," He grinned wildly and addressed Gar. "One move, you die, brother."

~The other members of the gang advanced and encircled us, occasionally taking petty shots with their arrows or machine guns.

~"No!" I shouted and threw myself down at the teen's feet. "I'll do whatever you want... Just don't hurt them..."

~"RAVEN!" roared Gar angrily. "Iv'e protected you for hwo many years and now you're going to just throw it away?"

~_Gar... Don't save me... It nearly killed you all last time... _I communicated.

~_To Hell with me if I don't save you, Raven. I've done too much to let you die now... And that's what they'll do. They'll kill you._

_~Anything for you, Garfield... Even my life. A life for a life. A heart for a heart..._ I hesitated before speaking out loud. "A love for a love."

~"NO!"

~The teen dropped Gar and deftly shot over to me and held a knife to my wrist... Right over the scars...

* * *

**Sorry if this is getting too fluffy... I have a brain cramp so if it sucks, I'm sorry lol Just drop reviews by and tell me how you think it's going along...**


	14. Lost Cause

**Thank you all for the support :) On with the story!**

Lost Cause

~The teen giggled and held his sweaty body against mine. The cold blade of the knife calmed me into thinking it would all be over soon, and I would die by what seemed to drive me insane for weeks... The thought was so comforting that I strained against the blade causing the curve of it to dig into my skin; finally, a dull pain cut through my arm and a warm liquid flowed over into my palm. A small gasp escaped my lips and a angry roar came from my left.

~"RAVEN!" All of my comrades yelled but Gar who transformed into the Beast again and began to lunge at the teen.

~I sensed an unease sweep though the village as they lowered their weapons and got on their knees in the smoky light. Flames danced on the houses, incinerating them slowly, and curled every strand of brush and grass making up the house. A sweet, green scent filled the air and mingled with the smell of dried wood and twigs, but even the wonderful smells and beauty of the fire, which I was so maddeningly attracted to, was dulled by the slow steady throb in my wrist and the hot, sticky liquid dripping off my fingertips. The boy holding me dropped me and cowered in fear of the Beast like the rest of the tribe. My vision blurred and a loud _rrrrriiiipppppp _filled the air as Gar threw himself up and soared overhead to annihilate the lanky teen. I heard a muffled roar and several screams but could take no action as I sank to the soft, fine dirt and my vision became cloudy and blurred. A dull red, bigger- than- life sized hand errupted from the ground next to me and roughly snatched me off the packed dirt with pincer like nails; although, I could feel no pain.

~I lolled my head around to take one final glimpse of my friends now fighting whatever it was coming out of the earth and shed one lone tear.

~I, suddenly, was filled with purpose and swung my head around to face the Beast and yelped out a strange compalation of several strings with numerous sounds. They did not make sense to my ear at first but neither did anything else I had heard for the past couple of minutes... A second later, the words made sense in my mind... I had said, "I love you all, though I may have never shown it. There are some things that can't be expressed. I am dying, and I want you to know that I love you all. Take my love and do with it what you will, but Garfield, I love you with all my heart, so kill these mother fuckers and move on with your life... I am hopeful you won't see me when you go where you go when you die... Where I'm going there is no hope."

~As soon as my short speech was over, I collasped back into the hand and my body went limp. The only thing hanging over the side was my scarred and bloody left arm.

* * *

**Yes, yes... I know short transitional chapter. Just hang in there! I have a long chapter coming! I threw you all a bone! Now wait a few days so I can make you all really happy! And you can make me really happy by sending reviews! LOL**


	15. Resistance

**Ok... So thank you all so very much for reviewing! Now... On with l 'histoire hahaha :) And yes... I know the past few chapters have been named for songs, and so is this one :D But I don't own Muse, Chris Cornell, or Paramore :) hehe I forgot to say that earlier... I know Raven was a bit too much my own in the last chapter, but hey... I had to throw you guys a bone :)**

Resistance

~A mask of red rage filled the depths of my being and ripped my sternum wide open in searing pain. A ripple from my inner core spread outward and danced on my skin. Throwing me to the ground, I landed on all fours and howled out in pain, and this time I knew I was becoming the Beast unlike so many times before. Seeing Raven so... vulnerable... was something that infuriated me to the greatest extent and usually triggered a primal instinct to protect at all costs. She had _leaned into the blade_. She wanted to feel that cold knife under her skin despite everything I had gone through to keep her from doing it...

~Now, her fading heartbeat filled the air and drove me to stalk her killer. My wrath caused my muscles to bundle up and explode with great force, sending me soaring across the open air to kill the weakling teen. The whites of his bloodshot eyes were clear in view, and little did I notice, all the people of the tribe had surrendered as I transformed into the Beast. I landed on my target and slashed his tender skin wide open again and again in pure, unadulterated rage. Screams of torment filled the air and mixed with sounds and wails of fear. However, my focus was demented by the earth beginning to shake, and I looked up with blurred senses.

~What I saw filled me with pain and fear covered fury. A dark red hand the size of a large Clydesdale horse rose from the ground with Raven in its palm. She rolled her head loosely, letting dirt fall from her hair and a lonely leaf to drift downward in slow motion. Everything slowed and sped up at the same time at a dizzying pace. The other Titans had fallen into their special formation to destroy what we knew had Raven. They were powering up and preparing but took no notice of the young girl with tears in her eyes now attempting to push herself up to see them. She looked in all of their eyes and let a crystalline tear well in her eye and slide down her face, just catching the light to were it glistened and divided the beam of light into all the colors...

~I stood there dumbfounded as her glassy eyes closed and released more than one tear. Then, her fading violet eyes locked on me and paralyzed me. They pleaded and begged to me... She drew me closer to her, but the pain of the lost held me rooted to my spot. That stupid kid was going to die for us...

~A look of anguish crossed her face, she opened her mouth, and spoke in the most terrifying tone... The tone was of a victorious woman who spoke with such confidence like she was conquering Death itself- not a girl on the brink of womanhood who was bleeding to death in the hands of our worst enemy... She was old for her years, but she was too young to be dying... She wasn't even eighteen...

~She addressed all of us but focused on me when she spoke. "I love you all, though I may have never shown it. There are some things that can't be expressed. I am dying, and I want you to know that I love you all. Take my love and do with it what you will, but Garfield, I love you with all my heart, so kill these mother fuckers and move on with your life... I am hopeful you won't see me when you go where you go when you die... Where I'm going there is no hope."

~Her words rang out in the silent village and were filled with ancient power so strong it paralyzed us all. For a long moment those words hung in the air and drenched it with deep, powerful mystery. She seemed to speak with the authority and fearlessness as a strong, healthy leader of a rebel army would address his men. The words of encouragement were her dying wishes...

~After a strong moment, she wizened, aged, and began to collapse into her father's hand. Her eyes closed instinctively as air whistled past her, and her hair flew back momentarily before falling over her delicate face. An ominous feeling oppressed the village suddenly as a wheezy breath escaped her lips and her arm, her fragile, abused arm, fell limply over the side. Instantly, my instinct took over and I wailed out a howl. My heart was broken. I knew what it felt like all too well; I had several girls go through my life and tear me apart, but nothing was of such magnitude... She was like my sister. I lost my own. The others had been part of my harem, but she was always there. Besides, the others had just walked away... Raven just _died_.

~My sudden epiphany drew out my long howl and fueled my rage. As the Beast, the most powerful thing I had ever encountered (next to Trigon, of course), I lunged at the now arm and sank my teeth into the bare flesh and tore out a chunk. My howl of pain... of anger... of revenge was matched by a suffering and tormented howl of rage erupting from the ground. The rust, salty blood filled my mouth with distaste, and I ground my teeth together desiring more from this demon. There would be blood. Someone would die.

~I barely took notice that the others had began to pelt the rising head and shoulders and I was in the line of fire. I didn't care. I wouldn't die until Raven was avenged. Then, I would die with pleasure.

~Ivory horns of the demon protruded from the dirt and then came _his_ head. Four, firey eyes, ever alert and open, pierced into my soul leaving it slightly numb and the snowy long hair of the demon fell over his shoulders and down his bare back and drifted right on the edge of his pale loincloth made of something sickeningly awful... I realized, it was human flesh... The sight drove my instincts crazy at this point. They pleaded to attack him at his weakest point- his throat. It was so vulnerable and open, but he had risen completely out of the ground at this point, and a blast of lime green hit on his ear and he grunted in slight annoyance. His right hand held the thing that was of any importance to me, and truthfully, it was of all importance.

~His hand closed on the lifeless girl, and a whole blast of bright white energy erupted from the lifeless and showered down on the others and myself... A shiver of raw emotion spread over my body and petrified me for the twentieth time that day. Luckily, everyone was filled with this... odd feeling and emotion. It was more powerful and potent than anything I had ever felt and was certain nobody on the entire planet in the history of history ever felt this...

~Trigon was enveloped by this white light and howled in agony louder than he had when I had bitten him. Pure energy showered on all of us for several minutes filling us with awe, wonder, logic, rage, wisdom, rude compulsions, timidness, bravery, happiness, and most potently- love and affection. It was painful and wonderful alongside saddening and enthralling. The huge demon fell to his knees and we were released from our paralysis just in time to strike as one. Starfire unleashed raw Tamaran power, Cyborg unleashed his sonic canons, Robin threw dozens of little exploding gadgets at him, Bee drew her lasers and fired away, and I attempted to contain myself... However, a very small voice whispered, _Forgive me, Gar. Bring me back... Only you can..._

~The small voice flooded my head with the unmistakable voice of Raven... Her voice drove me... Pushed me further... Urged me to kill him. I let out a roar from the depths of my lungs and lept a dozen feet in the air straight for Trigon's throat. Raven had weakened him, I would kill him.

~The red demon heard my roar and looked up, face contorted into a look of inexorable pain and rage. His eyes glowed orange, reflecting the dying embers of the burned village, and threatened to shoot demonic energy from his optics, but another burst of electric white light shot out from Raven's ever greying corpse and paralyzed her father again. Just before he was completely shocked, he threw down what was so important to me... In a split second I had to decide to preserve Raven or kill the one who would kill us all... It seems like such an easy decision, but when someone means that much to you, there's no way to differentiate the significance of the two.

~I instantly decided what meant more to me and slung my body weight to the right, landed on my back, and Raven landed with a heavy _thump_ on my soft belly. I groaned a little and rolled back over. The dead angel's violet hair drifted over her closed eyes and cold skin. I heard a whimper and howl so painful and tormented that it was hardly a howl... The sorrow and agony welling in my chest was so new and unfamiliar... It killed me slowly. I straightened and glowered at the rising demon.

~Some one was going to die. He was going to die. His blood was going to spill all over this town and stain the soil to where no one would ever forget what had been done.

~Strength and raw, exposed power fueled my limbs and I sprinted towards Trigon with rage pulsing through my veins. I threw myself into open air and opened my jaws ready for a vice. He screamed in denial, but oh, was he wrong. My knife- like teeth made contact with his leathery skin and pierced into his muscle. I felt my teeth tear across a dozen veins and bloodvessels and eventually hit the all important artery where rusty blood filled my mouth and satisfied my thirst for his blood as I ripped further into his neck, severing chords and eventually his voicebox... I ripped it out and clamped down on his spine... Hard, spiny bone cut my mouth somewhat, but I dug my sharpest teeth into his spinal chord and snatched it out. Instantly, the whole body went limp as the demon's head fell from its shoulders and rolled ten feet on the ground. I pounced backwards, landed with a jarring _thud_, and watched the decapitated body fall limp and sink to the ground, scattering dust and dirt.

~All the other Titans simply stared at me in shock. Not once had I ever killed a man, and now, I had killed a demon. The earth quaked again and the body of Trigon became shrouded in black. Starfire's eyes glowed green once more in preperation to strike, but the body turned to dust and sank into the ground, causing the soil to turn an odd purplish color before turning pitch black and releasing a blood curdling scream. A bolt of pure light pierced the black ground and gleamed with an innocent beauty and turned a mother- of- pearl color before reflecting a milky purple. I wanted to turn away... I wanted to run... But I couldn't because of the unnatural beauty before me. It was pure and inviting, so I walked towards this odd beam of light and stuck the end of my snout in. The cool air stood out against the humid, hot air and the viscous air was somehow clean and light. I realized, as I stuck my whole head in, this was essence... not light.

~This was clean and pure... This was a form of a soul... This was Raven's soul self without shape.


	16. Redemption

**Thank you all so much for the reviews! It helps me write so... GIMME MORE! LOL Seriously, thank you all :) Now... I am going to do half BB's point of view and... OH I'm not gonna spoil it! ON WITH THE STORY! P.S I don't own Muse's Exogenesis: Symphony, Part 3 (Redemption) lol  
**

Redemption

~As soon as I stuck my snout in the light and realization settled in on me, I sucked in a lung full of air, fearing what I was truly breathing in. The sense of care and welcome was nearly overwhelming. I entered further into the beam of energy and probed with my mind to see if she was there, but I felt her all around me.

~_Raven? Can you understand me? _I wasn't sure I wanted to hear the dead girl's voice.

There was a ringing giggle coming from the pearly air. _Of course I can... The question is, do you want to hear me?_ She giggled again as if laughing at my fear.

~She shimmered in the cool breeze and wavered and the purple tint grew darker into a lavender color with a brown undertone.

~_Of course I do... but why can't you show yourself?_

The carefree ambiance darkened and grew serious while the brown undertone faded into a grey one and made the lavender color more grey than purple. _I'm dead. That's why. You're seeing my soul self..._

~_I've figured that out, Raven._ I said with regret then added, _Is there anything I can do...? Please tell me there is..._

~Another giggle resounded around me. _Of course! There's always a way, but you won't like it..._ She continued to giggle like a little girl, and it was one of the most beautiful sounds I'd ever heard. The sound resembled sleigh bells jingling on a bumpy patch of snow.

~_Raven... I'll do anything to save you, or return you... or whatever! Nothing matters but you living a long healthy life! Longer than mine anyways! I want you to come to my wedding and see my wife and kids! If not see them-_ I cut off my sentence before I said something stupid and filled myself with false hope... She was just so young and still in her studies while I was finishing mine.

~An outright guffaw rippled through the beam and a pinkish hue added itself to the lavender light. _There's no need to be embarrassed, Gar..._ Another giggle. _You really want me around for all of that? I never knew I meant that much to you..._

_~You mean more than you know, kid. I care as much as fifty people can, no joke._

~Raven's giggles subsided, and she became deadly serious again_. That means so much, Gar... But you won't like how to get me back... And neither would your model friends..._

_~Anything, Raven._ I hurt deeply and wanted her back in my life no matter the cost.

~_You have to carry me back to my body and return my soul there..._

~If I could have been in my human form, I would have been on my knees and begging her verbally, my heart ached so... I would do anything because missing her in my life was like missing a part of me. A whimper escaped my muzzle against my will. _Tell me how, Raven, and I'll do it._

_~I'll have to share your body and you'll have to share your blood with mine oooooorrrrrrrr..._ She cut off in a hysterical giggle that sounded nervous and eager all at the same time. _You could just kiss me and return me after you share some of your body space with me._

~My heart stopped and my blood chilled like I had been put in an instant refrigerator. I had thought about kissing her a lot, but it was just a vain thought; I never knew it would be a necessary decision to either cut her and myself again or to kiss her... I just didn't want her getting revived and have then get hit with the instant craving to mutilate herself over and over, yet I didn't want her to be filled with some false hope as well as myself. She was just way too young or I was way too old for her_, _but if I wanted her back, I had to make a sacrifice one way or another.

~_I'll do it..._

_~But you don't like it..._ Her telepathic voice conveyed sadness and the air grew heavier and oppressive.

~_I'll do anything for you, Raven... _I was beginning to feel guilty and more responsible for her life, which was definitely a bad thing. I feared I as falling for my younger teammate and she with me.

~_You'll do it?_ The air brightened.

~_Of course!_

~_Don't panic when I transfer... You're going to feel extremely awkward sharing your body with my soul; oh, and you have to turn into a human... just saying..._

_~Thank you, Captain Obvious..._ I was slightly concerned when I cracked the joke but a laugh erupted and I stood dumbfounded. _You think that was funny?_

_~Quite..._ Another giggle reverberated before the light shown bright and dazzling.

~The whole column minimized to the size of a volleyball and hit me. An odd sensation swept over me like I was finally a whole person but was interrupted by an electric current shot through my body and forced me to crouch down in pain; suddenly, I was filled with this urge to run, fly, and live larger than I ever had before. I wanted to laugh and cry while I was trying to resist the urge to mutilate myself and fight hugging every single one of my... our... her friends. Then came a bizarre urge towards myself that embarrassed me greatly. The urge came and passed as quickly as it had come, but was replaced by something horrible... It was worse than every instance I had encountered with the Beast; it was pain, anguish, and anger all at the same time... I never knew the magnitude of her feelings... They were just too strong for such a small, young girl.

~_You know I can feel what you feel... I'm sorry... It's just a part of this... I'm sorry you have to know the pain and the emotions... It's too much for anyone else..._

~I had no idea how she was so calm in communication through all of this pain... This agony.._. _She was just too kind and young for this kind of thing.

~Her emotions finally subsided and allowed me to morph back into a human, which felt so odd with Raven in my body... She felt every inch of me and caused me to feel exposed and vulnerable. After what seemed like an eternity, I reached the sprawled out girl with violet hair sweeping over her brow. My heart thudded as I saw her pale skin and limp body, and I instantly knew the path I would take to get this youth back...

~I knelt down on one knee next to her, drew my rarely used knife, and panic spread through me from my own brain or Raven's soul I never knew, but the regret and fear was so powerful I dropped down on all fours. I couldn't hurt her to revive her, so I had to break her heart. Raven's soul eminated understanding and sadness with an undertone of anger simultaneously. My actions were blurred by these emotions and caused me to be slightly rough when I lifted her upper half into my arms... She was so cold... so fragile... Her head lolled to the right, and I reached out to brush the violet strands of hair out of her face and noticed how small she truly was. She was like a small child compared to me...

~I leaned down and connected my lips to hers with an electric shock flowing through my body, and a feeling like half of me was being transferred into her... Like half of my heart was ripped out to fuel hers. That senation soon passed and was replaced by something I could never explain no matter how hard I tried.

* * *

~My oxygen deprived brain screamed for air to enter my lungs and replenish the air starved blood, but none of this made sense... I was dead last time I remembered, but if I was thinking, that means something happened to bring me back! A sharp intake of musky, jungle air with a prominent smell of sweat passed through my nose and made my mouth water. Just then, I noticed something was over my lips and holding my head up. The slight brush of skin on my lips struck me to my core and forced my brain to fire on all cylinders; my eyes snapped openonly to squeezethem shut again. Almost instictively, I reciprocated the movement on my lips and found myself barely touching the boy's face; he corrosponded instantly by holding the side of my face and warmth spread through my cold veins.


	17. I Belong to You

**Thank you all AGAIN! hahaha I hope I'm going in a good direction :) And yes, I brought her back so... Read to find out what happens! hahaha**

I Belong to You

~The warmth in my veins was subtle at first, just warming my limbs and extremities; then, my torso smoldered until I felt a fire light in my core and spread rapidly outward. My skin prickled and tightened as my arm touched his, and I twisted closer to him while caressing his lips in a tender kiss I didn't know I was capable of. He wrapped his hot hand that was around my face around my neck and wound my hair in his fingers while pulling me closer. My lungs started to ache and I stupidly parted my lips to gasp for air and was attacked again, this time more aggressively. Fear was beginning to build as he pressed me against his body, leaving no air whatsoever between us. I pulled away reluctantly pulling away first with my body then letting my lips linger a moment before also retreating. His eyes were sparkling with something odd I could not identify.

~My senses sharpened and my empathic powers kicked back online letting me feel the shock eminating from everyone, and embarassment settled in on me quickly. A fire still blazed in the back of my mind while I attempted to regain composure of myself; I heaved myself off the ground and dusted myself off. The people of the tribe had vanished and left Starfire in the arms of Grayson while Cyborg held on dearly to Karen. All of their mouths gaped as I turned away ashamed and helped Gar lift himself off the ground. The sharp scent of ash filled the air and tension was nearly tangable.

~Shivers shot down my spine as I looked at Gar in a whole new perspective now. He refused to make eye contact with me and stalked off silently into the treeline in the general direction of the T-Jet. Somehow, for some reason, I felt like all of this was my fault, and I ran after him leaving the other Titans in their befuddlement. I seemed to forget I could fly through multiple mixed emotions and darted over the rough terrain as if I had lived there my whole life.

~I saw him simply standing and looking up in the small clearing where he attacked me as a small wolf only yesterday. Involuntarily, I whispered his name just loud enough to be heard. He turned to look at me then resumed his prior stance.

~"What happened back there, Raven?" I jumped at the sudden break in silence.

~"Um... You saved my life...?" I said uncertain of what he meant exactly.

~He turned back around and quietly approached me never breaking eye contact the entire time. My wrist panged with guilt and he winced as he reached me. He took my abused left arm and turned it over to expose the damage and mutilation, which made me abruptly angry. His warm hand closed around my small bones and lifted my arm to his face where he kissed the scars gently.

~"Happy birthday, Raven..." A ghost of a smile danced on his face.

~The sudden revelation stunned me. I had obviously forgotten my birthday again since it meant little to me anyway, but Gar had remembered...

~A slight chuckle escaped from him as he glanced up at my shocked expression. "You have _got_ to stop dying on your birthday... It's depressing," He laughed again.

~His kind joke forced a small smile to appear on my lips and my face grew heated.

~"I suppose I am indebted to you with my life now..." I commented only half joking.

~"You don't owe me anything..." The hand holding my wrist traveled down to my hand and laced between my fingers causing an uncomfortable feeling to spread over me. I didn't like this so much.

~"Well, thank you anyways for being by my side..." I was quiet now and somewhat shy.

~He smiled down at me and kissed my forehead. Everything was going way to fast at the moment... First, we were arguing over mundane chores only a few weeks ago; then, he was helping me with an addiction and me with his. Next, he saved my life, and now, he was kissing me.

~He pulled away from me with a curious look. "Something's wrong..."

~I nodded. "Look at us, Gar. One week we're fighting like siblings; the next, we're fighting beside one another with the rest of the world, and obviously, we're getting a little friendly here..." It pained me to say it, but it was true.

~He looked down slightly saddened. "True... But do you think we could nurture these... nurture the friendliness?" A note of hope colored his voice.

~I caved in at this point. "I belong to you, Gar... I belong to you."

~Then, he wrapped me in his arms and whispered, "I will never leave you..."

~"Nor will I to you..." I sighed back.

* * *

~We stood there a moment longer before the others came in search of us. They found us the way we had been for a few minutes- in eachother's arms.

~"Holy shit, man. Are you for real?" Cy laughed and we broke apart blushing slightly. He began in song instantaneously. "Beast Boy and Raven... standing... next to a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

~The others followed and cast probing looks at us and our blushes.

~"Oh! Have we interrupted 'the kissing and making up' of sorts?" giggled Star jokingly.

~"Um... Star? I don't think Cyborg was kidding..." Rob said a little embarassed for us.

~"OH, THIS IS MARVELOUS! THIS REQUIRES A GREAT FEAST FILLED WITH MUSTARD AND PIZZA AND-"

~"Starfire?" Richard placed a hand on her shoulder, but she continued without avail.

~"WHAT A GLORIOUS DAY IT IS TO HAVE TWO OF OUR DEAREST FRIENDS-"

~"Starfire?" He was a little firmer now and demanded her attention but failed.

~"BE OF SUCH A RELATIONSHIP! THIS IS WONDERFUL BY ALL MEANS! WE SHALL-"

~"STARFIRE, DAMNIT!" Richard swung her into a kiss that made her fall limply in his arms.

~He released her finally and she smiled. "Perhaps I speak too much."

* * *

**Even those of you who like this have to admit that this was so fluffy you wanted to choke on it LOL But anyways, you know reviews make me happy, and you know you want to review :) Admit it... You do :) Tell me what you think is going to happen or what you liked or disliked, but still, PLEASEEE don't flame me! :) Ok, we're good now :D**


	18. Hysteria

**I hope this is going in the general direction in which you wish for it to go or not lol... I hope that made sense lol Anyways... You guys might not like the way this is going to end! Hahaha So if you like it stop here and think it's all going to be a happy ending! Hahaha I'm trying not to give too much away! On with the story! lol**

Hysteria

~We all laughed a moment, which was a welcome thing in such serious times like these, but I felt as if something were still awry... Lately, however, I was suspicious of everything and everyone, so I figured the hunch was just wrong. It mattered not at the moment because I realized, in the depths of the Amazon jungle, how important it was to be close to the ones I loved.

~After standing there a moment longer just chatting like we had just had a cup of tea and gone on with our day, we headed back to the T-Jet with lighter hearts and smiles on our faces. I clambered in the backwith Gar again and Cy fired up the engines. With a jerk, the Jet hovered over the ground and shot off making the quiet hum of the engine grow louder then resume its consistant noise. The sound lulled my frayed nerves to relax and my eyelids to droop but was awakened by Gar's soft voice.

~"What made you lean into the blade, Raven?" His voice carried a note of sadness.

~"Just knowing I could end it and save you all in the process," I stated matter-of-factly realizing how fatigue weighed heavily upon me, and my voice became guarded as well as my heart.

~"You know that only living would have saved us... Trigon was going to kill us all anyways..."

~"Well then, at least no one would have to deal with the little aches and pains." My tone was now bitter and resentful, for I knew his attachment to me was only temporary then he would be off with some model and leave me for the wolves... That's what everyone else had done- why would he be any different? My hope for him had been dashed by simple logic and probability.

~He backed up immediately. "I want you to live, Raven. No matter what you think, I want you to live."

~"I never said you didn't."

~He sighed and finally quit talking so I could sleep some, but my effort was vain. A few mintues, which felt like hours, passed slowly and painsteakingly. I exhaled in frustration and looked up at Gar who now appeared hurt.

~I softened a great deal at this sight and asked, "What's the matter, Gar?"

~He just glanced down at he and snorted. "Oh, Raven... You don't understand what you mean to me, and you _still_ think iI'm just going to abandon you or use you like Malchior did."

~I flinched at the name so carelessly thrown around; it may have been a few years since Malchior abandoned me, but my heart still ached when someone said his name.

~"See? You aren't even over him. I'm sorry I even presented the option of getting closer... I'm such a screwup..." He sighed again and closed his eyes in obvious anguish. "I mean why would a girl like you even bother with a guy like m-"

~Before either of us realized what we were doing or what had happened, I had locked lips with the green changeling... again... It was just a method to make him quit saying such awful things about himself, but I enjoyed it way more than I should have.

~I pulled away reluctantly and tilted my head down to hide an emerging blush. "Sorry..."

~Instead of an angry voice coming from the muscular young man, there errupted a laugh and a contented sigh. "You don't have to apologize one bit, Rae..." He was smiling on the outside, but his smile was only skin deep. Under the surface, I could feel doubt and anxiety churning like an angry storm on the horizon.

~I decided to ignore his inner feelings and run with it since I had an opening. "Well, I did..." I giggled... Wait- I _giggled?_ I ignored it. "So..."

~He looked at me shyly and then at a pod on the Jet on a diagnol from us. What I saw disturbed me greatly... Star and Richard were in the same pod crammed on top of eachother with the windows fogged up, obscuring the view. I shuttered.

~"Looks like they're workin on that baby..." I commented lightly in an attempt to shake the disgusting feeling I had aquired.

~"AW, RAVEN!"

~I just laughed my ass off.

* * *

~A few hours later, we arrived back at the Tower to discover the whole place had been demolished on the inside.

~Starfire was very angry at this sight and blew up. "WHAT RIGHT MINDED PERSON WOULD EVER DO SUCH A THING TO US ALL?"

~I tried to calm her down, but felt something I KNEW was wrong. "They weren't right minded I don't believe..."

~She glared at me with glowing green eyes and I backed up with my hands up in surrender.

~"This is... What's the word...? Fixable?" Gar shrugged and I smiled uneasily.

~"It can be repaired easily, Star..." I swiped my energy across the room replacing papers, plates, and cups strewn across the floor. "See...?" My voice was quiet in an effort to comfort her.

~Suddenly, Gar growled and transformed into the Beast for what seemed like the hundredth time that week. He released a great roar and lunged towards the overturned couch.

* * *

**Yes, yes... I know... a little rushed but, I couldn't keep them there forever... And sorry about all the fighting between Gar and Raven... Building suspense here :D**


	19. Truth and Lies Firing Line

**Now for more :) I have little to say except this is the last chapter and it sucks because I have horse and the barn syndrome and want to get done with it for the epolouge... There will be a epolouge! I promise! I want to cry now LOL but there will be more from the wonderful world of Der Rabe! So READ! It may be crappy but... READ!**

Truths and Lies- Firing Line

~We all stood there in a shock at how Gar just transformed without warning and attacked the couch. Suddenly, there was a squeaking and sputtering and there stood Beast Boy in his human form holding Silkie and laughing. Silkie was nearly four times as big as he was since we had left and had caused the ruckus in the house.

~"Silkie! My BUMGORF!" Star flew over and wrapped her arms around her pet.

~"Oh wow..." sighed Richard slapping his forehead. "We already have one kid to take care of and she still wants a birth child or seven."

~We laughed heartily and a sneaking suspicion crept over me again and I couldn't shake it this time. I felt as if there was something else there that was female and pissed.

~Star was murmuring Tamaran to her little pet and we all began turning the chairs over and restoring the previous state of our home. All of a sudden, an urge came over me and I collapsed onto the floor.

~"Raven! What's wrong?" Gar was alarmed at once, but I couldn't answer. I watched a shimmer of light appear behind him and he was down next to me in an instant.

~A voice errupted from all over the room so as not to be pinpointed. "I am a new kind of enemy."

~Immediately, all of the Titans were in action around us, yet we were the only ones petrified. I threw a shield around us all and waited as sonic booms flew and lasers shot across the room in vain.

~"You won't win this fight, pretty girl." I tried to shout out but remained petrified. "Gar will be mine and he will pay for it."

~I flinched and the presence vanished as quickly as it had come.

~The other Titans just looked at us two when the being disappeared.

~"What the fuck?" I shouted at the top of my lungs when all went quiet.

~The others just shrugged and everything went black.

* * *

~I felt things tugging on me and voices murmuring in the background, and I got this feeling... This odd feeling of abandonment and loss... I never did know how long I was out until I awoke with a start one day... or night rather... and looked around at the lack of people and objects. There were no flowers like there had been when I had cut myself too deep... There was no one around to alert the others when I woke up... I was alone... again... Abandoned... Forgotten... and almost as soon as I had awakened I knew I was again unloved...

~The heart monitor sputtered and I snatched out all the wires and tubes. If no one cared, no one would mind a little fixation. My scars felt stretched and ached from some unknown source, but I didn't care. I just phased to my room and collapsed on my bed weeping harder than I ever had before- even more than I had when Malchior left me. Peace evaded me as two blubs of energy appeared within the premises of my abilities; one was all to familiar and the other was completely foreign to me. All I knew was it was female and after that, I didn't care. I just walked into my bathroom with tears and pain painting my face with anguish.

~This was it. I felt them grow in desire and anticipation...

~This was my breaking point. I felt joy spread over the both of them...

~This was all I could handle. I felt the connection I never had...

~This is what triggered voices to tell me I was useless and pointless... I was alone... All alone...

~I wept so hard I could not rise to get my much desired blade... I simply looked at my clock and saw the date and time for the first time since I woke up... The date read "Tuesday, October, 10. 9:13." My jaw nearly dropped to the floor. It had been four months since I was last awake... I had been in a coma for four months.

~Anguish flowed through my body like fire and raw power surged through me and burst through my whole room leaving it black and destroyed. And somewhere downstairs... A toaster exploded.


	20. Epilogue Feeling Good

**:D Thank you all so much! I would thank you guys even more if you shared this, favorited(?) it, reviewed it, let others review it, or let them just plain old view it! OH YEAH! See the note at the bottom :) Thanks again!**

Epilogue- Feeling Good

_Eight Months Later..._

~I laughed as I thought about how I got in this kind of situation. Unfortunately, this was a circumstance no sane person would ever laugh at, but I had given that hope up long ago... I remembered the day I had destroyed my room and most of my floor of the Tower... Ever since then, I listened to those little voices of doubt grow into yells and demands; soon, their thoughts became my own and controlled me. I took up cutting again immediately after I found out that Gar had lied and was seeing a girl my age that was a _model. _Yes, my suspicion was correct. A model. No one in the Tower would even talk to me anymore because I was supposedly 'disturbed and misunderstood.' Gar would occasionally ask how I was, but I would lie... He didn't care anymore anyways... maybe he never did... Needless to say, I told someone that I picked up cutting again and about the voices... And that's how I ended up here- the 'Special Asylum and Mental Hospital for the Superpowered and Disturbed.'

~Gar just took me down here 'to see a counselor' he said, but in reality, he just wanted me gone... They all just wanted me gone... That very day... That very hour I was admitted into the hospital to get my wounds treated, but I wouldn't let anyone touch me... I had to be sedated the very first day I was here... Time had crawled by ever since they locked me up in a windowless room and gave me sedatives every time I would get bold... There's a word... _Time_... It's very relative when you can't see the daylight... When I got tired, it was _time_ to sleep. When I got hungry, it was _time_ for them to force feed me rather than give me some damn tea.

~They never let me out of my room, and I wore white as a daily uniform... and an occasional straight jacket...

~Only a few long naps ago, a woman who I somewhat befriended in my strife approached my door and let herself in to tell me Garfield Mark Logan was dead and had been killed by his girlfriend... Her black hair was soaked with tears and her face was twisted with rage. I simply smiled at her that day... or night and said "Well then, at least he won't have to deal with the little aches and pains..."

~She only cried harder and left me there thinking about my past... I had been doing that ever since she told me... Thinking... It was nearly maddening that I couldn't leave the confinements of my room and was in a jacket for that time being 'for my safety' they said. I didn't care anymore. As soon as I got out of my little bind, then I would do what I always did when they let me out of it... I would meditate while Stephania, the woman I had become acquainted with, would secretly bring me tea and a book or three. The weeks she did that, she was my caretaker in this institution.

~I smiled again. None of this would last very long... I was sure of it. Stephania always felt so bad for me that she very rarely (but she still did) brought me a much coveted razor blade and turned her back while I releaved myself of my affliction. If I had timed it correctly, today was one of those days in her pattern.

~Soon enough, my stomach growled for some food, and as if cue, Steph walked in with a tray of some of the most delicious looking food I had ever seen and tea... My kind of tea...

~Steph drew a key from her pocket and unlocked the locks on my jacket. She walked to the door and locked it.

~Her voice was quiet and somewhat sad. "You might want to break the bread after you eat the rest of it and drink your tea... Happy Birthday, Raven."

~I looked at her a moment stunned. It was my _birthday_... "Thank you, Steph..."

~"I'm leaving now... I won't stay... I'm just saying... Make the most of your birthday present... Get out of here, Raven."

~I nodded and she left me to 'eat.' She knew I would only drink the tea, but when I was done with that I heeded her advice and broke open the bread... What I found was beautiful to me right now... It was my razor Gar had given me so long ago...

~I pressed the blade to my skin and let the shiver of pure joy run down my spine, and Gar's words flooded back to me like he was saying them right next to my ear, _You have got to quit dieing on your birthday..._ I laughed darkly once more.

~I made one hard, swift motion and nearly threw up at the immense pain I had never felt before... And watched the severed artery gush copious amounts of ruby red blood.

...

~I smiled. Happy Birthday to me.

* * *

**AAAAAAAHHHHH! IT IS DONE! I hoped you liked it, and I DID WARN YOU TO QUIT READING WHEN IT WAS ALL HAPPY! So don't complain about how bad it ended :)**

**I would like to give special thanks to SaphirePhoenix101, Downward Spiral 1, emotionalpoemgirl, FelynxTiger, 100 Silver Wings, ****tyria tatayanna x3, bk00, Darkangel436, muddie, Maxx, Philiophobic, Wallflower, KayleeCake, me (like the reviewer, trust me it's not actually me... I'm not _that_ vain), Linzerj, and Raven 2k8 lol**

**And I know this means little to anyone else and the rest of you see no point in it, but if Drew is reading this by some random chance... Kid you mean the world to me and I wanted to thank you specifically for helping me overcome what I've been going through... You're the one who's stopped me from killing myself like I made Raven... You are like my brother and never forget it. You are my muse... Thank you so much... "I will never leave you."**

**Anyways, sorry about that one drawn out note, but be on the lookout for all my other stories to come! I'm already working on one called Runaway so feel free to read and review!**


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